Force vs. Flow
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In this episode, Chandresh invites the listeners to understand where they place unnecessary and unwanted force, and where they can let go and invite in more flow. We are wired by stories and belief systems to think hustling, struggling, comparing, and analyzing are the only ways to survive and bloom. In tantra, we let go of that struggle and invite in the energy of gentleness, calmness, and love. We invite the way of Shiva and the divine forces where nothing is forced and yet everything moves at its pace. If you often compare yourself to everyone else out there or feel like you are rushing and trying too hard in everything, this is the episode for you.
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Episode Transcript
Do you compare yourself to everyone else? Do you think you are rushing all the time? Do you keep listening and feeding the perfectionist in you? One more question, are you trying too hard in everything? If you relate to any of these points, stay with me for next few minutes because I believe we have a problem here and I also believe there's a solution I can offer you. So take a deep breath, relax, and let's stay together for another few minutes. I'm Chandresh Bhardwaj, and this is Leela Gurukul.
Namaste, everyone. I hope you're feeling safe, relaxed, grounded wherever you are. Now, this episode is all about force versus flow. But before we get into the solution part, let's understand why. Why do we live this way? Why do we believe in forcing through things?
Certainly there are belief systems that were given to us. Belief systems that we witnessed and we made those belief systems our reality and now we cannot think beyond those belief systems. Sometimes it's the belief system of financial abundance in a family. Sometimes it's that limiting belief system of what you can do professionally. And it doesn't matter how talented you are, or maybe you are attracted to different streams of creativity, you still choose to do the things that was done in your family for ages. And there's nothing wrong to continue the lineage, the ancestral work, but is there creativity there? Are you honoring your flow or are you forcing yourself into it? Sometimes you have to experiment and then arrive at the truth that this is what I do not want to do and this is what I want to do. But there are always pain points, certain motivational narratives that were constantly fed into this mind software we carry and we simply react to it.
Lately I've been reflecting a lot on the hope of happiness that we all were promised as a child. What does this hope of happiness look like? Imagine when you were a teenager, or maybe not even a teenager yet, and you were not liking the system of school. I relate myself to that majorly. I never, ever connected with the formal education system. But when you are a child and you don't like the system, you don't connect to it, you don't feel that memorizing everything will make you an aware human because all you're doing is memorizing and then showing up on that so called exam day and repeating what you have memorized all the year. It's silly. It's actually stupid, right? But you still keep on doing it because every single person is telling you this is the only way and this is the right way. So if you don't relate to it, the problem is you, not the system.
But if you have understanding parents, teachers, or some caring humans around you, even though they know this is all a drama but they can't tell you truth. They don't want to break your heart. So instead, what they tell you is to struggle for another few years because once the school is over you'll have much more independence in college, and that gives you hope. It promises some joy and fun and freedom in the future, and you're like, "I'll take it."
Then you move to college and you realize it's the same circus with different faces. The competition is even more, the insecurity is even more, the hustling is only increasing day by day, but then you start to invite in more illusions. It could be party, sex, addiction to love, addiction to relationships, addiction to a substance to just numb down that intensity, because the truth is you had plenty of questions. No one was able to answer those questions and now you have no option but to dumb down and numb down that intensity. And you do your best but there's still some hope. There are still voices telling you, "This drama is only till college. Wait until you graduate with flying colors. You'll get a good job. Good money. You'll have a happy married life. You'll have beautiful children. And that's happiness, my friend. That's when you'll really experience the happiness. And guess what? There's also the game of meditation, yoga, wellness. There's all that good stuff as well, so you'll be okay. You'll be fine." So you tell yourself, "All right, I think the future is bright for me. I'll keep on walking."
So what happens as an adult? You watch everything unfolding except that fantasy of happiness that you are hoping to take place. It doesn't happen. I speak to people from various cultures, various age groups, various belief systems, and none of them have been able to crack that happiness code, that fantasy because the truth is there is no happiness in the future. The future is illusion and that happiness is also illusion. But the good news is that happiness is actually not a fantasy. It really exists. But where does it exist? It exists right here in this present moment awareness, because that's all we have. That's all there is.
So all those voices, belief systems that were constantly promising you some idea of happiness in the future, it's time to let go of those voices and start inviting in a way of life where you actually celebrate and honor the happiness in the present moment. And also the word happiness itself, release the illusion that you have to be happy all the time. You don't have to be happy. That's just not how emotions ever work. If you have ever meditated with me in any of the Instagram live videos or the Leela students who are listening, I've never used the word happiness. I never use the word that be happy, stay happy, stay positive. I don't want you to stay positive all the time. I don't want you to stay happy all the time because that would be a very damaging form of life. That would be such a terrible conditioning. But what I'm inviting you into is witnessing. When you witness, you don't have to be happy or sad all the time because you simply witness the drama, the circus behind the curtains, what's really going on.
The force versus flow is reminding you to let go of the illusions. Imagine when something hits you hard, it could be a heartbreak or an emotionally uneasy conversation, a text message, an email, a phone call, or even an in-person conflict. What do you do? How do you handle it? Most of the times you attack, you react, you fight, you build a guard. Sometimes the heartbreak is so painful that you stop meeting new people for a bunch of years. And when you start meeting, you realize nothing has changed, you're still attracting the same kind of drama and relationships. But as a tantra teacher, I'm telling you to stop fighting, to stop attacking. When something hits you hard, I want you to accept it. I want you to witness it.
People come to me when they feel there is something wrong with them and they feel they have too much anxiety, too much anger, too much sexual energy, too much restlessness, too much of everything and they want a solution. They pay a good amount for it. And I tell them, "Okay, the first step is accept it. Let's accept and honor the sexual energy. Let's accept and honor the anxiety." And then they look at me that, "I paid you to tell me something really powerful mantra to get rid of this unnecessary energy. I don't want to accept it. The acceptance is triggering." And I again repeat what I've been repeating for the last 10 years, and more actually, "Accept it. Whatever is going on, accept it." If you cannot accept it, you will not open the gateway to healing.
Close your eyes for a moment, if you are sitting and you can do it. If you're driving and walking, yeah, keep your eyes closed. Let's stay safe here. Imagine for a moment, there is a vast ocean, beautiful ocean, calm, relaxed, wide, infinite and there is a giant rock, as giant as you can imagine. And then that rock falls into the ocean. You suddenly notice the ocean is all disturbed. Now, look away and then look back after one minute. You won't even notice 1% effect of that rock. It's gone. It's somewhere in that wide ocean. The ocean doesn't fight back. The ocean is receiving the rock because it understands, "I'm so vast, I'm so infinite, one piece of rock doesn't make a difference. I'm not going to waste my energy and time to fight back with this rock." And I can guarantee you if ocean was a human, it would fight back the rock. It would be an angry ocean. It would be an anxious ocean. It would have a board of therapists and spiritual gurus guiding the ocean, "This is how you handle the rock. Why don't we try a more calming technique? Why don't we try this and that?" Because that's what humans do, we simply fight back because we feel otherwise we will not survive.
Look at the rabbits, the squirrels. I mean, I'm looking at them right now so that's what came to my mind. Look at them. They're not trying to block anything. They're jumping, doing their thing, and they're okay. They have survived. You will survive too. You don't have to constantly over-give, overextend yourself. You don't have to force through things. You don't have to force yourself in a love, in a relationship, in any situation where otherwise they won't see your value if you don't force yourself through it. Because trust me, there are places who'll celebrate you and your flow, who will celebrate you in your playfulness, but I need you to make that switch. I should not be doing that for you. I can tell you these words but you have to make that choice.
I witnessed something really interesting in the past few months. I would say that was not something I never saw before but it was a very interesting repetitive thing that I witnessed. As I was speaking to the new students for Leela I noticed some of them had objections. Their objections were based on things that were already explained on the website so my instant question is, "Did you read the program on the website?" And they were like, "Yeah, I read that. I just wanted to speak about it with you." I said, "Okay. So tell me what exactly is the objection."
Sometimes the objection is I don't feel I'm worthy of this kind of work. I'm like, "What kind of work? What do you think what kind of work this is?" And they would say, "It feels too deep, too sacred." And I tell them, "I would not invite this application for the phone call if I would feel you would disturb the vibe of the Leela. I genuinely feel you deserve this work and even you know it. Otherwise, why would you fill this long application? Somewhere you know you need this, you deserve this. But let's talk about the voices who have told you that you do not deserve this or you're not worthy of it. Maybe they didn't talk about the spiritual work, but maybe they talked about love, money. Maybe they talked about certain other things. And your mind has believed that you should not be easily or joyfully be accepted into something or you should always be hustling and then you have to win something."
My friend, those who are listening right now, I want you to think, what were those voices who made you feel that you always have to struggle and hustle to win something? Because these kind of phone calls made me realize one thing, that I don't want the Leela school all about a sales pitch because that's what I see everywhere. And I feel as a consumer you are so used to people talking you into their programs. I feel everyone is trying to come up with impressive sales pitch. And I literally told myself, and I wrote it down on that particular day, I want to win you as a student without a sales pitch. I want to grow Leela without the manipulative marketing narrative.
I've been told by some greatest experts that this is a terrible idea, and I was like, "I've been living it for more than 10 years and I think I can survive through it because every other idea that I see in this spiritual circus, it's exhausting. I don't want to force, I don't want to manipulate anyone here." And for that to happen, both of us have to accept that let's move into this with flow.
Another interesting lesson that showed up in these calls when the objection of money would show up, and I would tell them, "Okay, if you can't afford this, how much can you afford? Tell me the number." And they'll say, "I don't want to come up with a number because I don't want to insult your intelligence, the work you have put into this." My response always is that, "Even I do not take my so called intelligence seriously, so you should not either, so just tell me the number." And in many cases, and this is even many events even more than 10 years ago, in plenty of cases, I would say, "How about $1? What do you think of that? How about $0? I'm inviting you to just play in the program," and this is way before Leela also. And majority of people are still not able to dive into that experience because I know from first minute, it's not even about money. It's about much deeper stories. It's about much deeper knots that we have to lose, that we have to crack, and money is simply an excuse.
It feels like a safe excuse because the moment you say it you also convince yourself that I can't do it because this is the problem. I have been through that phase as well, where I would hold myself from diving deeper into some powerful experiences and I would come up with plenty of stories. And the money story was also my favorite because others believe it, I believe it, we all can move on. The problem is you know you have to become a different person to dive into a different kind of journey.
And we are such an interesting creature that we rather choose undesirable life than choosing unwanted actions, uncomfortable actions. We don't want to move into the actions that are uncomfortable so we keep on living with the undesirable way of life. And when you know this is your story, pause. Immediately pause everything, rewrite, start revisiting your belief systems, start inviting the flow and start understanding the areas where you know this is where I'm putting unnecessary force. It does not need a force.
I've shared a story about the mud and river where you know you cannot force the mud, it will melt itself eventually. The river will do the job. It doesn't need you. It does not need your effort. Effort is not needed everywhere, my friend. And you don't have to constantly force things.
My final point is connect to your naval center as often as you can because in that naval center, in that manipura chakra, you are as you should be. You are in your most pure, gentle, infinite awareness. Nothing needs to be fixed there. Nothing needs to be controlled there. That's where your courage, your relaxation, your effortlessness is. Because here's a very harsh truth I'm going to tell you, one last harsh truth of this episode, when I speak to you, when I read your messages, I rarely see you in those messages. I rarely see you speaking those lines. Most of the times, these are the lines, the voices, the stories that you have been fed into. You have been brainwashed, you have been gently nurtured into those stories and belief systems so when you express something it's rarely you, but it's many times your father, your mother, your partner, your friend, your school teacher or simply the media you consumed as a child, the stories you read as a child. Come back to your naval center. Come back to your awareness. That's where the flow is. Everything else is noise.
That's all for today. I hope this episode makes you let go of the force and live with more flow. And if this episode resonates with you, do share it on Instagram. Support the Leela Gurukul podcast with the love, the energy, the reviews you post. That helps us to keep recording without any sponsors. And those who are willing and interested in diving deeper, apply for the next cohort in Leela's Conscious Meditation Program. I'm not going to make a sales pitch. I'm not going to talk you into it. I want you to read, feel, trust your strength, and then hopefully we'll connect over a phone call in a few days. Thank you.
May the teachings of tantra continue to guide you and heal you. I hope Leela Gurukul helps you to unlearn the old and embrace the unknown mystical possibility unfolding for you. To support this podcast, share it among the seekers who are ready for the next step in their spiritual path.
Useful Links
Find Your Source of Happiness - 21 Day Challenge
Private Guidance Program with Chandresh
