Handling Triggers: A Tantra Perspective
In this podcast episode, we delve into the intricate realm of handling trauma and triggers from the unique perspective of tantra and astrology, weaving together the wisdom of influential thinkers like Dr. Gabor Mate and Peter Levine with the profound insights from psychology.
We'll embark on a transformative journey, exploring the synergy between tantra, psychology, and astrology to liberate ourselves from toxic patterns that limit our growth.
Throughout this episode, we tackle these essential questions:
Can we genuinely recover from low self-esteem, especially if it's been ingrained since childhood, or must we continuously work on it?
How can we dismantle subconscious triggers and associations that hold us back?
Why does practicing mindfulness sometimes trigger anxiety, causing us to feel even more disconnected?
What unfolds within our bodies and minds when we encounter triggers, and what causes our intense reactions?
Join us as we uncover the profound connections between tantra, psychology, and astrology, unlocking the power to heal, evolve, and thrive.
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Can you ever really recover from low self-esteem if you have had it since childhood, or do you always have to keep working on it? How can I remove subconscious triggers? Why does it happen that when I practice meditation my anxiety gets triggered and it makes me zone out even more badly? What happens to our bodies and mind when we get triggered? What changes occur that cause us to react so strongly? Dr. Gabor Mate, the renowned addiction expert, speaker, author, who's known for his expertise on trauma, addiction, and childhood development, he says, "Trauma is not just about what happens to you, it's about what happens inside you as a result." Peter Levine, who's known for his several bestselling books on trauma, including Waking the Tiger, he's known for developing the somatic healing experience. He says, "Trauma happens when the body's natural response to threat is interrupted or overwhelmed, and it leaves a stuck feeling in the body."
In this episode, we are going to continue what we started in the previous episode of Sacred Rage. We'll dive into triggers. We'll dive into how tantra, psychology, and even astrology can help you to overcome this toxic pattern that controls you, limits you, and hinders your growth. I'm Chandresh Bhardwaj, and this is Leela Gurukul. Namaste, everyone. I hope you're feeling easy, cozy, and grounded. I believe in the power of collective healing, the collective consciousness, and I feel when we put something out in the universe and if it's done with the right intention, if there is love, courage, and hope in it, it brings results. It has to. Many of you sent such powerful, heartwarming messages about the last episode of Sacred Rage.
Many of you were rooting for Z, and you said, "I hope Z finds her strength. I hope she finds her courage." And I do want to let you know she did. She spoke against the bully, she spoke against the injustice, she stood up for her, and it all happened during the time I was recording this, sending it out to all of you. And I can now tell you, by doing that one step, her entire life is changing for the greater good. I'm seeing her doing things, showing up for things, taking initiatives and actions which she never did before. That's the power of courage, taking one step ahead. By taking one more step, you give a very powerful message to your mind, body, and nervous system, and you declare a statement to the universe too, that I am ready. I'm no more going to limit myself or shrink myself.
While this happened, I came across many other people in real life. This is not online stuff. In real life, people I have known for a long time, they spoke to me about some specific things which inspired this episode. The first person I want to mention here is a physician, an extremely successful doctor. And I was sitting in an event and we said, "Hello." I've known her for many, many years, and she looked tired, fatigued, almost didn't want to be there kind of energy, which is usually my energy in almost every social event. And I saw the same energy in her and I was like, "Something seems wrong," because my energy of not being there has a different flavor, but on her face, I could just see the sadness and grief almost. And I said, "Are you tired? Do you need something?" And this physician has experience of at least 30 years.
She looked at me with tears in her eyes and she said, "I don't know, Chandresh. I'm questioning the value of the work I do. I'm questioning the entire meaning of my work. Why am I doing it? What's the point of it?" She lost three patients in seven days, everyone in their mid-30s, and I could tell the pain, the grief she was holding within. And I said, "You have 30 years of experience. You have saved way more many people." And she said, Sure, I did. But it's questioning my entire mission." And I could tell she was just in a deep grief and the grief was taking her to places where her self-esteem, her self-compassion didn't exist. All that existed was just a lot of harshness on her own self. What I saw was old triggers and memories where she was made to feel unvalued, worthless. They were showing up and she was believing them to be true.
Second person I want to mention here is a client. She was a client and then we didn't work together for a while. She reached out and she said, "I wanted to share something with you. I have been meditating on and off. I showed up for the work and then I didn't show up, and lately everything is collapsing. My mental health, my spiritual curiosity, my friendship, my relationships, everything is just collapsing. And I feel, because I didn't respect the work I was receiving, I didn't respect the value I was receiving from you or from other teachers or from all the wonderful resources in my life, I took all of that for granted and I strongly feel I'm being punished by the universe right now. Maybe I'm being punished by Goddess Kali also. Maybe these deities don't like my presence anymore. And she was very confident. We spoke for two hours plus.
Third person I want to mention here is a friend, a friend I've known for a long time. I don't want to mention for how long, because that's going to reveal a lot of new information which I don't want to share on a public platform. But let's just say he's my buddy for years and years. He reached out and he's been texting me that, "I really want to speak to you and I want to speak to you at a specific time. Please make it happen." And I could feel something is off. I called him and he said, "You know the person I married and you know her and she's lovely, she's amazing. I don't feel in love with her anymore. I haven't been in love with her for a long time. And I started liking someone else. I felt drawn to someone else and I thought it was just infatuation, a lust, nothing more. But it's not lust, it's not infatuation. I try to act like a good husband and I even forgot how to act anymore.
"I feel extremely frustrated, confused, a lot of guilt, and I don't know what to do. I want to get separated. And then my mind is filled up with confusions that if I get separated, how my wife is going to do things? I take care of billions of things for her. How will she go and get her car serviced? How she'll get that IRS stuff sorted? I sit with her, I sort out things with her." And while he was talking, he broke down and he broke down because he was in grief and he was being extremely self judgmental. He felt he's not a good husband, not a good friend, not a good father. And, of course, if he shares this on social media, there will be plenty of comments proving to his mind that, yes, you are not a good human, you are not a good husband. And I'm the only person who knows about this situation. In all my years of knowing him, first time I saw him this vulnerable, first time I saw him crying.
Boys don't cry when they talk and if a man is breaking down in front of another man, that means it's just, yeah, things are collapsing. What's common in all three people? The common thing is, when one thing isn't going right, the mind is creating a perfect narrative where every single thing is being triggered, where the mind validates how you're not good for anything, how you are a bad daughter, wife, partner, all the labels and roles you have been playing for so many years. Why this happens? Why after even continuing to work and being so intellectual and even meditating, doing the things you do still, when this kind of moment happens, everything collapses. There is so much to talk about, and in this episode I'm giving you a brief glimpse into how to navigate this, how to arrive at some solution and build it from there.
And as I talk about it, my talk, my insights are inspired from tantra psychology authors like Dr. Gabor Mate, Peter Levine. In my work with clients, I take help of tantra psychology and astrology. I combine the three planes to give guidance because all three are important. And in the very beginning I talked about Gabor Mate's perspective, Peter Levine's perspective on trauma, and what they really talk about, and I want to pick up two things, the stuck energy and the people pleasing pattern. I used to think the culture I come from, the Indian culture, that's high on people pleasing. One of the slogans of the global advertisement of Indian tourism, the Incredible India Campaign, which is extremely popular, I mean, if you ride in New York trains, you'll see posters of Incredible India, that's the official website of Indian tourism as well.
For many years and even now, one of the tagline was, Atithi Devo Bhava, which means "the guest is God." And now another narrative in the Indian traditions about the husband is that husband is Pati Parmeshwar, which means "husband is God." When you are surrounded by this kind of narrative, the pleasing part is so, so intense. To please is not a bad thing. We should be kind, respectful, loving, compassionate to others. But when the pleasing happens at a cost of suppressing your own desire and needs, that pleasing becomes a slow poison. Gabor Mate's work talks a lot about people pleasing, and when I first heard about this, I felt that's probably the Indian culture when I first heard the term about it. But as I have gone deeper into this with clients, students in the past years, I realized it's not an Indian culture problem. It's a culture problem. It's everywhere.
I have noticed so many resentments in my own life and I realized so many of them came from the people pleasing pattern. Now, keep in mind the people pleasing pattern doesn't really always come from pleasing the person. That's only one part of the puzzle. There are so many interesting variations to it. Some of the elements of this people pleasing is you have a strong need to be liked by people and all of your attempts are to earn it by helping them, rescuing them, flattering them, pleasing them. Another one is you need frequent reassurance by others about their acceptance and affection. Another one is you can't express your own needs openly and directly and you do so indirectly by having people feel obligated to reciprocate the care.
If you are a people pleaser, some of your thoughts will be, "To be a good person I should put the needs of others ahead of my own. It bothers me when people don't notice or care about what I've done for them. People can be selfish and ungrateful. I give away too much and don't think of myself enough. If I don't rescue people, then who will?" And some of your feelings are going to sound like this. "Expressing my own needs directly feels very selfish. I'm worried that insisting on my own needs may drive others away. I feel resentful for being taken for granted, but I have so much difficulty expressing it." Now, what happens as a result of it? It starts to hurt you emotionally, physically, and even financially. It leads to deep resentment and burnout.
As a chronic people pleaser, your mind will try to earn attention and acceptance through helping others, rescuing others, and this is an indirect attempt of your mind and body and emotions to meet your needs, the emotional needs. It's fed by two deep assumptions that are picked up in your childhood. Number one, I must put others' needs ahead of my own. And the second one, I must give love and affection in order to get any back. I must earn it and I'm not simply worthy of it. What you're hearing, my friends, is just a glimpse, a tip of the deep, deep iceberg. Peter Levine talks about the energy getting stuck in the body. All of this is not at all alien to the tantra work and the reason I even got into the work of Dr. Gabor Mate or Peter Levine and all these wonderful people, including Dr. Joe Dispenza, because many of my students will tell me, "Oh, you talked about this. Dispenza talked about this." Or, "You mentioned this in the podcast. Gabor Mate talked about this in his book." So I was like, "I've got to check this out."
Because in college, my minor was social psychology and I have gone much deeper into it in the last few months or even years you could say, but the last year and a half has been extremely deep into it. And I started taking the help of many such teachings to help the students. In fact, in Tantra Tribe, in Tantra Mastermind, psychology, astrology, tantra is going to play a huge role and we'll talk about it later in this episode, but let's focus on this one. What you're hearing right now, the energy getting stuck and the people pleasing pattern suppressing your needs, it starts to play out a physical role in your life, a tangible role. Your body will start to develop symptoms, weird symptoms, unexplainable symptoms that are related to this hidden pain.
It's almost like I walk into your house and your house looks beautiful. From the outside, it's beautiful. The living room is amazing, the bedroom is amazing, everything is perfect. And then I randomly stumble upon the basement. I open the door and it's there, the basement looks dirty, smelly, lots of stuff is thrown in the basement. And if you start cleaning it, it's going to be messy. You'll sneeze. You'll be frustrated, angry because it might take weeks to months to fully clean it. It will take money to fix stuff in the basement. And the problem is we all have basements where the stuff is hidden. The house looks amazing from the outside, and the living rooms are beautiful. But it's in the basement the skeletons are hidden. It's the basement where the clutter exists.
One of the root sources of this cluttered basement is the identity trap. The mind creates this social, religious, cultural identity. It has information. It has memory about what's failure, success, happiness, sadness, right, wrong, good, bad. It has everything. And unknowingly, unconsciously, you keep reacting through that developed personality, the borrowed personality. I'm speaking to people in their 40s and 50s and they're burned out from their jobs, their business, the business that they once started with a lot of passion. And now they're burnt out, they're angry, frustrated. They want to run away. One of my repeating lines in the poetry that I write on Threads and Instagram is disappearing into the cosmos. And I know each time I write it, it gets engagement because everyone wants to disappear into the cosmos.
And when I speak to these wonderful genius people who are in the peak of their career and feeling exhausted, unhappy, or even the people who started something new with a lot of passion, and now in a few years they're feeling angry about it, I ask them, "Why do you think you do this?" And they start mentioning the reasons and I keep letting them talk. The rational mind will give you perfect explanations, but my goal is to go to the basement with them. The moment they reach the basement, they reveal the answer. "I'm doing it because my father told me, 'One day, you'll be very successful.' And I wasn't successful for a long time so I like when I keep doing this and it makes him happy. My mother said, 'You will never make it.' And now I made it. I keep proving to her that, See, mom, I'm making it now.'"
The parents are connected to you not just biologically, but also energetically and spiritually. People who have seen you naked, people who have seen you nude, their energetic impact on you is going to be way deeper. So parents are definitely the people who have seen you naked when you are a baby, but when and if in the adult life people have seen you naked and been with you in that skin to skin naked contact, mostly sexual romantic partners, their energy also impacts you on a deeper subconscious level. And tantra says, "Transcend the mind, my friend. Dismantle the old identity and create a new one." This is what Dr. Joe Dispenza keeps talking about, this is what Dr. Gabor Mate keeps talking about, this is what Peter Levine keeps talking about, to release the old and the stuck energy. In tantra, we've got two prime pillars who are helping us to do it, Goddess Kali and Shiva.
Kali consciousness and Shiva consciousness, when you go deeper into their meaning, the name, the symbolism is the deep infinite vastness that absorbs everything that you no longer need. The reason why Shiva and Kali are blue, black bodied, they're painted that way because that represents that they have consumed poison, they have consumed the toxicity of the culture of the fellow humans, but they remain unaffected because that's what their superpower is. So when you work with Goddess Kali, Shiva, you are signing up to release, surrender every trauma, suffering, suppression trigger that has been haunting you, limiting you, shrinking you, and it happens in a very safe way. Now, people have mentioned and asked, when they start to meditate, the anxiety and their triggers get even intense. They get intense because they're looking for a way out. They will get intense for people who are holding that trauma for a long time.
And if that is you, you need to do it with a qualified expert. You cannot be reading a book and doing it. You cannot be listening to a podcast and put yourself in a situation where no one is there to guide you. This is why I created Tantra Tribe. I listened to each one of you that the programs, the coaching, which goes between $5,000 to $20,000, $30,000, $40,000 even, not everyone can afford it, not everyone can access it, and I've been working for a long time to arrive at a place where anyone from any country can join the work I want to create, and tribe is that work. And the reason I opened the Tribe at $297 for lifetime access was to give you that freedom, that access to use it. And I'm so glad. People from Nepal, India, people from places where they've always said, "Your products are in dollars and we can't afford it." And I felt bad money should not restrict and limit the healing that tantra work you want to access.
So my hope is you find Tantra Tribe to be a safe and assured space where safety, validation, support will be given, because working with Shiva and Kali is sensitive but highly essential work in the self-healing. And my hope is if you are part of Tantra Tribe, you make the most of it. And if you're not and still thinking about it, trust me, it's a no-brainer. If you are listening to Leela Podcast and you resonate with it, it's a no-brainer thing to be part of Tantra Tribe. If that offer is gone, it's still going to be somewhere around $20, $25 to be a monthly member. Don't overthink it. Be part of it. Because the Kali, Shiva, the Dus Mahavidyas, the prime goddesses, the Kamakhya goddess for sexual healing, I mean there is a reservoir treasure of healing mantras, guidance, and teachings to fully dismantle that patriarchal toxic karmic contract we all are dealing with.
And tantra has given us a very powerful support system. You are not going to get that in the books. I have read the books. They're dry, they're boring, they don't come to the point, and if it's published by a renowned publisher, they're going to talk about the same thing that sells. It could be sex, it could be one mantra, it could be a certain glamorized portrayal of the feminine energy, but nothing relevant that can actually change your life. And why do you think I didn't write my second book? Because I didn't want to, first of all, limit my freedom of expression. Secondly, I didn't want to become a hardcore salesman with the book that I'm not even happy writing, because if I want a big publisher, I had to write with someone who would have some terms and conditions. And if I write with a smaller publisher, the reach and everything gets limited.
So I was like, "In this day and age, I don't even want to think about publishing the book at the moment. Let's go digital." And that's how the podcast was born. So go back to the Leela Podcast, browse the episodes on the tantra goddesses, divine goddesses, and if you are part of Tribe, send me questions. Send me curiosities. Send me what still limits you and haunts you and let's fix it. Second thing I would encourage you to do is consistent meditation, but in a certain way. And here's that way. This trigger is stored in the naval center in an intense way. It's stored up everywhere in the body, but naval center is a very powerful reservoir to release it. And if you strongly feel that this pain is not in the navel center and it's somewhere else, maybe throat, maybe heart, still please start with the navel center.
Go through inhaling of the breath, holding of the breath, exhaling of the breath, because that puts the body in a safe space. That tells your body you are safe, you're fine. And then take that light, that awareness to that point where the pain exists. Keep your hands on it. And I'm going to give you two mantras. The Shiva mantra is Shivai Namaha. The Kali mantra is Om Shakti Namaha. Use any of these mantras and feel it, breathe with it, and imagine, visualize that warmth from your hands. It's reaching to that point and it's releasing it. But remember, this happens after you do the conscious breathing of inhaling, holding, exhaling. Five minutes for that then a few minutes placing the hands on that pain point doing the mantra. And the third step is feeling how you would feel if you were living your ideal life, feeling, how you would feel if you were experiencing that bliss and joy you always aspired for.
Number three, I would recommend write or speak. And you don't have to publish it. My experience with many students is that they store up a lot of pain within themselves, and that pain becomes trauma, anger, suppression, and many times so much of that pain could be released through writing. Once you start to write and this writing is not just about the pain, just a daily writing, I'm talking about journal, but journal in a specific way. It could be like stream of consciousness where you simply write or it could be about asking yourself some tough questions about shadow work. And if you Google shadow work journal prompts, you'll get many. In my experience, instead of having a prompt, just start writing and see where it takes you, because when you're writing free, free stream of consciousness, it brings up some deeper layer. And when you write, a lot of the anger impulsive stuff is released and what remains is that final point which you need to heal, which you need to nurture with love, which you need to really handle with spiritual support, therapy support.
And there is something we work deeply in the Tribe and in my one-on-one work and the clientele work, that is the work of Sankalpa, the intention work and the 2.0 work. The Sankalpa work is all about intention. I have spoken about it in the past, and I'll record a new episode on intention in December so that you have a clarity on how to cultivate your intention for the next year. And the second part is your 2.0 version. That is a personality, a version of you that you are creating with love, attention, clarity, courage, calmness, because the personality we have, as I said, it's a borrowed personality from everyone. Sankalpa and the 2.0 version of you, they really are a game changer. And in brief, what intention does, it helps you to understand in what kind of environment I will bloom. And I've said this many times, I'll repeat again, one of the simplest intentions is to move forward with calmness, courage, and clarity, the Triple C.
I also have Triple P for some other kind of students, and that's passion, play, and purpose, and moving forward with passion, play, and purpose. And I think you either fit into Triple P or Triple C, and sometimes there's a season for Triple C and a new season for Triple P. And finally, the final point I hugely recommend is to have some sort of physical movement, yoga, workout, walks, or something else. Blend your way of showing up in that physical energy because that's how the body will also release a lot of anger and trauma. I have been witnessing so much within me, around me, and if you have been watching my Instagram, you must be noticing so much of the raw uncensored essential poetry is showing up. So much of my expression is showing up. It's not by design, it's just what's happening and I'm cooperating with that.
As a result of it, I've taken a huge decision, and if you have listened to this podcast until now, I'm thankful, and I'm thankful for you to be here till this point of the podcast because what I'm going to share is something I've not shared publicly. It's something I've been sitting on, reflecting on, and it's a beautiful thing. My heart is feeling a bit heavy so I can sense why I'm not just coming to the point. And the point is, the one-on-one work that I've been doing since 2009 is going to be ending. I'm not going to be taking one-on-one clients anymore unless and until it's a highly urgent life and death situation, highly specialized circumstances. Instead, I'm going to focus on just two things, Tantra Tribe and Tantra Mastermind. Tribe is the community where we will have fun, where we will have one monthly call and a buildup of Tantra content, a library for you to navigate.
There will be community, there will be interactions, and you will have stuff from me, but there's going to be a lot of interaction between the community members in it. And the link is in the show notes. Please be part of it. Second one is the Mastermind, the group coaching experience. Now, Mastermind have never been done in tantra because it's deep intensive. It requires a lot of willingness, commitment, a love from everyone. But I do feel I am coming across people who are willing to show up and do this important work. The Mastermind will have the one-on-one coaching value, but even more. Because in Mastermind, the calls will be recorded. There will be four calls per month, a small group, where we will show up for the collective healing, but to also solve specific challenges and problems you're dealing with. So Mastermind brings the best of one-on-one where you get the guidance, but also the best of that group experience where you get to be inspired by others.
Because when I show up in one-on-one many times, if the student is tired, exhausted, of course, it affects how they're receiving. But what happens in the group, you could be showing up a bit tired, uninspired, but watching others show up for the work changes your energy. I have not enrolled any client in Mastermind because it's a decision that I have taken to end one-on-one in the last 48 hours. If you feel aligned, excited to be part of my mastermind where we will meet once a week for a deeper healing work based around tantra, psychology, astrology, email me, Mastermind, or drop a message on my Instagram, CBMeditates. The email is info@leelagurukul.com. Do it as soon as you are ready, because when this is filled out, we are going to begin it, my hope is, before the year ends so that we start 2024 with energy like never before.
Thank you for being part of Leela Podcast. Be safe, be well, and remember, the goddess is rising. May the teachings of tantra continue to guide you and heal you and I hope Leela Gurukul helps you to unlearn the old and embrace the unknown mystical possibility unfolding for you. To support this podcast, share it among the seekers who are ready for the next step in their spiritual path.
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Visit cbmeditates.com to send your questions and learn more about Chandresh's work.
