Episode Transcript

Hurt people don't hurt people, not always. When hurt people receive love, guidance, compassion, they turn into writers, healers, mystics, leaders, that's my experience. In this episode, keep your heart and awareness open, as we dive into the dark lanes of anger, hurt, pain, and hopefully by the end of this episode, we all can take a pause, reflect within and ask ourselves, is anger still dominating our life? Or are we able to transmute, transcend this anger into a new creative energy?

I'm Chandresh Bhardwaj, and this is Leela Gurukul. Namaste everyone, I hope you're feeling relaxed, safe, grounded wherever you are. Before we dive into this episode, I want to invite you and remind you that the Conscious Meditation Program of Leela is going to begin in June. It's a 12-week Tantra-based program, every week we dive into a specific aspect of healing, Tantra meditation, and everything that's limiting your potential. The details of this program are on the leelagurukul.com, the link is on the show notes as well.

So if you feel you are ready and willing to dive into the next steps of your journey, I assure you, Leela Gurukul has a lot for you. Do not believe my words, explore the program, explore my Instagram, where the students continue to share their experiences. And now, let's dive into this topic.

Today's episode is about understanding the root of your hurt, the root of your anger, why we get angry, why it's important to understand your anger. I have always been the kind of person who says that it's okay to be angry, if you have never been angry you should see a doctor. Because in my experience, if someone has never been angry, then they're holding a lot within. And that anger usually comes out in some other form, and that other form is extremely painful, that other form is violent, it leads to a lot of damage. So if you express anger, that's much more safer than holding it back, but the complication is how are you expressing the anger?

If you are truly expressing the anger like a child, you might even look beautiful expressing the anger, because when you look at little children, when they express anger, hopefully you don't get angry seeing their anger, because they're so into the anger, they're so much into the experience. But as an adult, we are so corrupted and we are so in our own illusions, in our own so-called civilized intellect way of living that even an emotion of anger, we don't know how to express.

I know we don't know how to express love, we don't know how to express intimacy, but even anger, we don't know, we have forgotten. And that's what I want to touch today, we have been trained to hold back everything and that hurt multiplies and then it doesn't know how to come out and when it comes out, it's not good. Two days ago, there were Oscar Awards in LA, the kind of awards that get a lot of attention, lot of love, lot of TV views, right? In this Oscar Awards, this is year 2022, and this award Will Smith walked on stage and he punched Chris Rock. And after this incident happened, I got messages from some of you to do the spiritual review for it.

I wasn't expecting that I would be asked to do spiritual review, my instant reaction was, yes, I think I need to do it because when it happened, I wasn't watching the TV, I've stopped watching all awards and that's a separate episode to talk about. But when I got to know this happened, I went to Twitter, I saw what was going on and I felt, okay, I think this could be a spiritual analysis of anger, and I should do it. But I didn't feel comfortable in analyzing the two humans who were doing this, I didn't want to sound like I'm judging them, I didn't want to sound like I'm so pure, so wise that I have judgment for these two people.

So in case you feel this, I want you to know that's not my intention, I'm not coming from place of such a perfection and holy spirit that I'm immune to the anger. In fact, growing up anger was one of my strong elements, that's the prime language I knew and I was very proud of it. I remember people would tell me, you get angry, you should do something about it. And I would tell them, have you seen my horoscope chart? It's written in my charts that I'm going to be an angry man, and that's why I'm angry, I can't help it, I can't fight with the planets. And that's true, then you look at my chart, anger used to be this prime highlight, and I took pride in it until I started seeing some harmful damages of anger.

To start with, the neighborhood I lived in in India, there was one house in front of us, one on the left, one on the right, one in the back. In all these four houses one thing was common, physical abuse of women, there was a lot of anger, a lot of loud noises, sometimes the noises of just men beating women. And these were not just their wives, there were mothers, sisters, partners, there was everyone who involved in the mess, and I was not even in middle school, I was very young and these noises never had left me I think.

I remember speaking to my mom, I said, you know where you lived in the village, I remember there was a family behind grandpa's room, like a house behind grandpa's room and in that family the two boys used to beat up their mom. And she said, you left village when you were six month, you didn't live there, how do you know this? I said, I don't know, I've started explaining her what I heard and everything and she was so surprised and now I'm curious too, how do I know it? I was crawling, I was wasn't even walking, but I have this very clear memory of these two boys beating their mother.

In my family, things were different thankfully, I have always seen a lot of respect, love for the divine feminine, woman empowerment, equal treatment, equal everything, at least that's the honest intention, right? So, when I thought of doing this episode, I didn't want to sound like I have mastered anger and I'm going to now teach these two people how to not be angry. So now I'm taking you to the second part of my story. I worked on my anger when I saw the damage happening around me, when the damage happened through me, I also witnessed it, I didn't like the person I was becoming because of the anger, I was still a teenager, still very young.

And when some personal tragedies happened, when I lost some very dear people in my life to death, I realized anger is not worth it, love is worth it, I should have expressed more love. I should have been more joyful, happier person around them, I didn't get a chance to play with them enough, I didn't get a chance to love them enough. That's when I started working on the anger and thankfully it wasn't a very complicated monster to handle. And it's not like I never got angry after that, I have mentioned this story I think at some point in the podcast but it's important for this episode so I'll share it again.

One of my most significant outburst of anger happened in India. I traveled to this very popular, amazing Tantra temple in India, I was planning to go there for a long time. I went there and from the moment I stepped into the temple building, I felt uncomfortable because the authority, the police, they were not respectful to just people in general. And I was like, okay, no, I didn't take it personally, I was feeling uneasy but I didn't take it personally. But I was observing it, I didn't like what I was watching and then as we were in that main space I saw a police man pushing a woman, and then I saw him pushing her stronger and telling her move fast, there are people behind you, they need to also do the ritual.

And he pushed her so hard, she was about to fall down on the deity's statue there. And when that happened, I got triggered, I yelled at him, I started telling him how to handle this, what to do, what not to do, things got really escalated. And he described my whole appearance on his wireless and he said, when he comes out, you have to catch him. I suddenly became a criminal in this a temple.

So, I was out, I didn't get arrested or anything, there were people with me who handled it, who were like, no, this is not your battle, this is not new, this could get really, really ugly, and you need to be out of here. So, things were different, in a few minutes I was out of there, but I reflected on this many times, many, many times, and I always asked myself that this was an opportunity that I was waiting for years, I went there and suddenly the anger took over, and I didn't make the most of that opportunity.

I felt when he pushed the woman, I didn't see the woman that he was pushing, I was probably seeing the woman that I grew up watching, and they were beaten up by the men and something in me got up and wanted to protect those women because as a child, I was so uncomfortable, even scared, I was a weak, scared little boy. I could not do anything, and I think in that temple, I felt now I can handle this and I'm willing to take whatever it takes, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to fix this.

And I believe that's what happened. But let me tell you, this was my realization for last few years, but I also feel, was it about those women or was it about me? I understand I wanted to protect the woman, but was it about me claiming that I'm stronger now and I can handle this, I can prevent this? Maybe, yes. Maybe I also wanted to prove a point to myself, because I'm a human, as a human we do things with some interesting narratives and stories. So when this whole Will Smith, Chris Rock episode happened, I started connecting dots.

I mean, I noticed entire Twitter, Instagram, the whole social media space suddenly became expert on anger management and they all were either applauding Will Smith, or were hating Chris Rock or they were applauding Chris Rock and hating Will Smith. As always there was no solution but more anger, more debate, more division on social media. Now, when I saw the face of Will Smith, he was extremely uncomfortable in his energy, I could see he didn't punch Chris Rock, he was trying to punch something else, I think he was trying to punch the demon in him, I think he was trying to punch something that he was suppressing for a long time.

And this is a man who has been exploring the spiritual space for a while, I've been working with plenty of people in Hollywood so, I've been hearing about the journey of Will Smith. In fact, Will and I, we were in India around the same temple at the same time, doing the same ritual with different teachers, and that was the first time I saw him doing that Tantra ritual and I was like wow, he was doing it wrong, but he was doing it, I didn't expect him to do it perfectly, but he was doing it. And my complaint wasn't to him that you are doing it wrong it was for that person who was guiding him, that you should be guiding him to do it right.

But the point is, he's been a seeker and I know lately he has been meeting more teachers, he's been experimenting. So clearly there is something he's fighting with, and I feel on that night, maybe the suppressed emotion got so much that he didn't know what to do and this is what happens when you don't know what to do and we simply react to whatever energy's trying to take over us. Without making any judgment, if it's Will Smith or Chandresh Bhardwaj or anyone, the problem here is, this is going to send out some interesting ripples in the lineage, in the ancestral chain of the person who punched, in this case it's Will Smith, right?

So that's where my mind went. And I was trying to connect the dots and I stumbled upon a tweet from his son, Jayden Smith. And the tweet said, and that's how we do it. That broke my heart, because I wanted to tell Jayden, this is not how we do it, this is not how you should do it. You know how you should do it? With calmness, with more clarity, you should do it by understanding your hurt, understanding what's hurting you so much that you felt punching will solve it, punching didn't solve it.

And the saddest part is, I didn't even know Will Smith won the Oscar, when I was watching this whole chaos next day, I was like, oh, let me actually see who won the Oscars this year, and then I saw his name, I was like, oh goodness, he won Oscar Award and clearly I think what happened through him has taken over his Oscar Award. And then I saw people judged how he received the award, I mean, the judgment will follow now, right? He has to go beyond the judgment and everybody is an expert right now as I said, but there's another piece that I stumbled upon while reading on Will Smith. And I have his book, Will, which I've read in parts and everything I'm saying will make sense once I read this one quick glimpses from his interview.

During Will Smith's interview with Today, he described how he felt, how he should have helped his mother when she would get physical abuse from the father. And he said, and I was too scared to do anything, and just on my young mind it became imprinted. It's like, what kind of kid stands there and lets somebody hit their mother and they don't do anything? And that became really the core trauma of my childhood, that my personality and my persona became to form around, to be the opposite of that, I was never going to be scared again.

When I read this, I wanted to tell Will, yeah, you should not be scared again, and you should also not be dominated by your anger, you should be transmuting it, you should be channeling it Will, you are an artist, you have traveled so far with this art, you have changed many lives with your art. And now is the time to channel this art into your healing, to channel this art into a space where the anger, the trauma, the suffering is no more leading the shots for you.

In Tantra, we talk about the transmutation, in the Eastern traditions they talk about these five elements a lot, kaam, krodh, lobh, moh, ahankar. The English translation is, sexual energy, anger, greed, attachments, and ego. And most of the teachers in the Eastern tradition, they will tell you these five elements are your enemies, they'll hurt you, they'll haunt you, you should be getting rid of them. But Tantra says, they are not your enemies, they are you. They make you, they are part of your personality, you should be transcending them, channeling them into some higher consciousness.

And truly this was the game changer for me. What I've read about Will Smith, what I've shared about my journey I'm sure it's not different from the journey of you, we all have gone through pain, we all have gone through moments where the anger has taken over. We all have stories in our head which kind of justify why we do what we do, but you are not your story. I had to remind myself that this woman can stand up for herself too, I don't have to be a protector. If I'm calling a woman devi, a goddess, a divine feminine then I also must trust she has the power, and that shifted my relationship with women a lot.

That instead of being a protector, I'll be a friend, I'll be a guide, I'll be a fellow seeker and where they need me I'll be there, but they're not weak, they're not fragile, I know they'll stand up for themselves. In India there's a festival called Rakhi, the sister ties a holy thread, a blessed threat to the brother and when the brother receives that thread on his wrist, he promises his sister that I'll always protect you, I'll always be with you. And my cousin who sends me Rakhi every year from Canada, Barika if you're listening this is for you.

So when she sent the Rakhi, I sent her back a video. I said, just so you know, this Rakhi means there is love between us, there's friendship, there's harmony, there is a spiritual path we are sharing, but remember, I'm not going to protect you because you already have the strength to protect yourself, you should show up for yourself to protect yourself, you should show up for yourself to be the goddess, the warrior that you need. A brother, a man shouldn't be needed to protect you, and that's my prayer for you, that when you tie the Rakhi it's an acknowledgement of claiming and embracing your strength as well. And I said this to her because I wanted to share it openly that, we have to stop seeing women as this weak, fragile dolls who need to be protected.

They need the love just like every human, but we also have to stop using them as a way to showcase our masculine anger. And I feel this is another reason why the masculine continues to suppress anger, and why the feminine keeps holding back her strength. I feel this entire story has to be changed. In Tantra we talk plenty about how to transmute anger, how to channel the anger, and today I want you to start taking 10 to 20 minutes a day in your solitude, in you're in your silence, and ask yourself, where am I hurting? What's my anger all about? How can I transmute this anger into a creative outlet?

So one of my anger for a long time has been the sad state of the spiritual work that's everywhere, and I wanted to change that. And to change it I used to do silly stuff on Facebook before when it began, I would write articles here and there and realize nothing is changing. I need to really step into the field, I need to really write from the core of my heart and make it my life, I have to sleep, eat, drink this spirituality if I really want to change the state of spirituality anywhere.

And it's also the ego of this young mind that I can change at all. Today I don't think I can change at all, I don't think I am the caretaker of Tantra I have to change everything, but I do believe that I'm going to try my best, I'm going to try my best to showcase what is Tantra and I'm doing it only and only for the love I have for my teachers, with this knowledge, this wisdom, that's been done and prepared so beautifully with so much sensitivity.

So if some soul, for the lack of any other word, if someone doesn't know what is Tantra and they want to sell it by misusing it, misguiding it, I don't want to stop them, you can continue to do what you are doing, you have my blessings but I'll also continue to do what I do. And my hope is, eventually there will be some people who will realize and wake up to the calling.

My second anger has been about how the spiritual teachers, the yoga teachers, just the whole spiritual wellness community, they are always underpaid, they're not given the financial acknowledgement. And in my one on one work with many teachers, I have always acknowledged this problem and I've told them, you deserve more, you cannot be running from here to there and selling this for $20. And sometimes they get offended, they get triggered, why you are telling me to sell it at a higher cost? And I tell them it's not about selling, it's about the value you are bringing to the lives of people, it's about the number of years you have spent into polishing this craft.

If you don't change anything about it, nothing will change about it. And I was doing it gently personally, for plenty of people, teachers I knew. And I think I am moving into a state where I want to genuinely talk about the financial upliftment of the spiritual teachers, the community, because it continues to get so sad, so terrible in how they are rewarded financially, they are struggling to even pay the bills and it hurts.

And today I have the privilege to talk about it, I didn't have it many years ago, but today I'll do my best. And the point why I'm sharing this because, this is an anger and I could just burst it out, I could throw up with all of my thoughts and that won't change anything, that change will happen through a proper, structured, creative, conscious outlet. So if I tell you do not undersell your work, I have to share a proper solution, I have to share a solution for both the parties, I have to make sure it doesn't come out as an impulsive, violent statement, it has to come out as a genuinely, sincere, compassionate request that this is what needs to happen in the society, this is how we will create an equal change out there.

When you empower the artist, the creatives, the spiritual people, the spiritual voices, the society will be empowered, there will be a much bigger change. The point is, anger could be useful if you know the root of it, once you know the root of it, understand the hurt that's fueling this anger, and then learn how to transcend it, how to transform it. Suppressing the anger is never a solution, learning how to express it is the solution.

Imagine how impactful it would have been that Will Smith was still very angry, but he's not doing what he did, but instead he ended up making a statement about mental health, about trauma, about the triggers, and then shared that in that moment. I wanted to get up on the stage and punch Chris Rock, but I knew this is a different moment, I don't have to be the savior here, I could have handled it differently. I could have invited some calmness, courage and clarity because, it doesn't take courage to punch, it takes courage to calm down that anger. Violence doesn't solve problems, it may make you feel like a hero, it may make others feel like hero because the truth is if I want to punch few people and somebody's doing it on stage, that makes the hero in me happy, and that's the problem because now all of that suppressed anger in people will start to come out.

My hope is, that we do not let the past hurt, the past story drive the present moment. In this life we are living nothing is permanent, so these narrative, these stories may feel like a real permanent thing in our head, but it does not exist in this moment. In this moment, this breathing exists and if you truly know how to work with your breath, you'll be able to transcend the anger.

And I know I've shared plenty of things in this episode, it went way beyond my usual duration so if you're still listening, thank you. That's all for today, if you resonate with this episode do write a review on iTunes, and do share it on Instagram and I'll see you in the next episode, be safe, be well.

May the teachings of Tantra continue to guide you and heal you. And I hope Leela Gurukul helps you to unlearn the old and embrace the unknown mystical possibility unfolding for you. To support this podcast, share it among the seekers who are ready for the next step in their spiritual path.

Useful Links

Chandresh's YouTube Channel

Find Your Source of Happiness - 21 Day Challenge

Private Guidance Program with Chandresh

Buy the book - Break the Norms

Instagram: @cbmeditates