My Complicated Relationship with Happiness
In this deeply reflective episode, CB delves into the profound realization that much of what we've been taught about happiness is misleading. Exploring personal stories and societal norms, CB unpacks the myth that external achievements and societal validations can truly lead to happiness.
The episode introduces listeners to the ancient wisdom of Tantra and its transformative concept of Ananda—bliss that is independent of external circumstances.
Join CB as they share four empowering principles that challenge conventional beliefs and guide you towards finding true, inner happiness. Each principle offers actionable insights, encouraging you to focus on what truly matters, create your own identity, and embrace the courage to be disliked. Through meditation and conscious living, discover how to manifest your highest desires and live with total freedom.
Tune in for a transformative conversation that will inspire you to burn the beliefs handed down to you and find your bliss.
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What if everything you believed about happiness was a lie? I've always questioned the concept of happiness as it's been handed down to us by family and society. Something about it often felt misleading, inauthentic, and maybe just a false promise. Growing up, I watched people sacrifice their present in the hope of a better future. I saw individuals give everything to dreams set for them by others, whether it was getting into the social construct of marriage, building their dream home, or securing a safe job. They continued to do it all in the name of finding happiness. But what did I see over the years? These people often ended up more miserable and trapped years later, and many unfortunately didn't live to see the future they were hoping for. I too wanted happiness. I still do. But my chase for happiness led me down some unexpected paths.
I studied finance in college, aiming for a glamorous, well-known Swiss Wealth Management Bank. It seemed like an impossible goal. But I got in and then I realized this wasn't where I would find happiness. So I left it to explore my curiosity in the spiritual world, and I have to admit, it often makes me wonder whether we are more interested in being happy or simply hunting the next shiny object that gives us the illusion of happiness. Because my struggle didn't end in the spiritual space. Getting clients was hard. And once I had clients, I thought I would be happier if more clients paid me more. So even when I had 20 more clients paying me five figures each, I still felt uninspired and unhappy. It felt like I had 20 bosses to report to. So, of course, the hunting continues. I moved on to explore another concept after another, all in the name of finding happiness. Each step and each experiment led me to everything but happiness.
So what really is happiness? Does it exist? Is it the biggest lie we were told, or perhaps it does exist, but we are looking in the wrong direction? Is there an answer to this, or is this just an irrelevant discussion? But if this resonates with you, if you too are looking for happiness, stay with me in this episode as you and I meditate, explore, and decode the meaning of true happiness. I'm Chandresh Bhardwaj, and this is The Leila Show.
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Now, must everyone? I hope you're feeling easy, cozy, and safe, and I hope you're feeling creative, meditative, and self-reflective. For those of you who truly follow my journey and pay attention to close words, because many of you do and I'm really grateful for it, you must have noticed in the past few episodes, there has been a certain shift, a certain shift in the energy, frequency, and vibration. And that is part of my search for happiness. My search for the Ananda, the bliss within life, is an experiment. You cannot have all the answers and you cannot expect to find them in a podcast or in a book. Happiness unfolds through a series of actions, through a series of experiences. And when I dive into these experiments and these moments, the creative part of me, the spiritual part of me, feels happy.
And then there is this external marketing noise or “do not change the message of your podcast, do not shift from Goddess Gli to art, to poetry, to sensuality. You will alienate people.” And you know, the truth is, if I focus on alienating people, I would never find my true expression. And you will also never find who you really are if you are always worried about alienating people. The writers, the seekers, the poets, I’ve always loved; I’ve loved them for their expression. And when they started creating a certain kind of art and if it didn’t resonate with me, I’d step back. But if it does resonate with me, I’d go even deeper. It really depends on where you are in your journey. Many times, their courage speaks to you more than their art. Many times their level of happiness speaks to you more than the product they are creating.
I think my point is we’ve got to stay open. Otherwise, this life can become such a boring, one-dimensional experience. And those who have been sitting with me through these series of experiments with happiness, I see you. I’m grateful for you. And the only thing I ask from you, from the listeners, if these episodes of this podcast resonate with you, do share it with people who may need it. That’s all. The marketing noise is big. I don’t enjoy screaming at the top of my lungs and inviting people to listen to this work. So those who are listening, those who are finding value in it, please do share it. I’m doing my bit by recording and by sharing in the limited outlets I have. So if you add in your support, that would be just encouraging.
That’s all. As far as I can remember, my search for happiness always existed. I’ve always been a very restless, curious kid. As an adult in my mid-thirties, I’m still the same curious, wandering kid. I still question the meaning of happiness. My search and my experiments have led me to many things, but the most beautiful, the most gentle, the most powerful of them all is the search and the traditions of Tantra.
For me, Tantra is not a religion. For me, Tantra is not about chanting mantras or practicing rituals all the time. Tantra is the ancient spiritual practice of self-awareness. The way I see it is a stream of river. When you dip your hands in that river, when you jump into that water, you will feel the calming, cozy effect of that river. The river is fluid. The ultimate goal of the river is to join the ocean. That’s the destiny, the journey of the river. So when you immerse and dive into the tantric river, you too will join the big ocean. And that’s how it unfolded for me. Even till this date, everything I read that inspires me—be it the books of Joe Dispenza, Atomic Habits by James Clear, or the work of Buddhist teachers—so much of what I read about art, about life, hats about going deeper into your meaning and purpose, including the book Start with Why by Simon Sinek, reminds me of the Tantra practice. And this practice awakened the idea of Ananda, the bliss. I do not relate happiness and Ananda in the same bracket because I feel happiness has become this buzzword, but also a product of society—a product of family programming culture. That to be happy, do this; to be happy, do that. And no wonder the word happiness gives many people anxiety because they have heard about it from their mom, dad, partner, countless times—that to be happy, you’ve got to do this; to be happy, you have to have kids; to be happy, don’t have kids; get married to be happy; don’t get married. There is no one idea or experience that will give you happiness. It’s a search within. But the way the entire conditioning of happiness has been unfolding, it’s a turn off. And this is why the concept of Ananda speaks very deeply to me. Ananda means bliss. This bliss doesn’t depend on anyone or anything outside of you. It makes you realize that happiness is not a chase. It’s a realization within. And when you realize it within, that’s when the bliss starts to happen. This practice will change how you think, how you view death, birth, sex, relationships, and life itself. In the rest of this episode, I’ll share with you my principles, my lessons, hoping that you too will burn the beliefs handed down to you about happiness. And hopefully, I’ll inspire you and convince you to find your bliss. By the end of this episode, the first principle is you become what you focus on. Buddha said something hundreds of years ago, and it’s as relevant as ever. He said, “What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. And what you imagine, you create.” In the age of social media, everything seems to be in oversupply—be it spiritual content, get-rich-quick schemes, or retiring in the woods in your twenties. Think of a wild idea, and it’s there. I think perhaps the most important disciplined meditation nowadays is to keep your focus clear and disconnect from the noise outside so that you can focus on your needs and your desires.
This brings in the tantric principle of the lower chakras. The lower three chakras are the chakras of consumption, and those who are unaware of the word chakra, that’s the energy center. The lower three chakras, or energy centers, are around your navel center and below. These three energy centers—by the way, there are way more than three energy centers, but I’m just taking the context of the popular seven chakras—are the centers of your emotions, food, sexual pleasure, and everything you consume. It gets stored energetically in the lower chakras. Now, my observation is as a younger person—so as a teenager, or younger than teenage, or even early twenties—whatever you consume, it may not affect or show up immediately in your body or subconscious. So I’m not saying it doesn’t affect you; it just doesn’t show up right away compared to someone in their thirties, forties, and beyond. Because you could consume one garlic bread in your forties and beyond—I mean, that’s what I hear from a lot of people in their forties and beyond—that everything hurts; emotions, food, life gets more challenging; things are less forgiving because the body wants you to respect the fragility, the sensitivity. But when you’re younger, you could eat or consume emotions or indulge in things and experiences, and you will get out of it. Life will keep giving you more and more chances. It’s like a video game; you have so many chances to keep exploring. So when you’re in your twenties, it’s almost like you can’t go wrong because you have an opportunity to keep trying. And those who are older, it’s like the game is very different. Now, you don’t have many chances. Everything you consume, everything you do has a certain effect. And this is where the lower chakra principle of Tantra comes in. The quality of your thoughts, the quality of the food you eat, the experiences you indulge in—these are the things that make you or break you. You are what you focus on. And the lower chakras are not necessarily bad; they are just what they are. They are your survival, emotions, food, and reproduction. It’s just to be mindful of them. Now, you could be very mindful or extremely indulgent or somewhere in between. It’s up to you.
The second principle is to drop your story. I believe the story we have about ourselves is one of the biggest things that stands between us and our bliss. If I ask you, “Who are you?” You may give me a description of your job, your background, your family. But those are only aspects of you, and not the true essence of you. It’s like peeling an onion. You remove layer after layer of conditioning and programming. The story you tell yourself and others about who you are—the beliefs and labels you identify with—create an identity that can be very limiting. Tantra teaches us to drop these stories, to let go of the labels and the roles we play. When we drop the story, we can connect with a deeper, more authentic self. We can start to experience bliss, or Ananda, because we are not confined by the limitations of our self-imposed narratives.
The third principle is to embrace the paradox. Life is full of contradictions and opposing forces. Happiness and sorrow, pleasure and pain, success and failure—these are all part of the same continuum. Tantra embraces these paradoxes and teaches us to find harmony within them. Instead of seeking to eliminate one side of the paradox, we learn to hold both sides simultaneously. By doing so, we can experience a more profound sense of balance and fulfillment. Embracing paradox allows us to see beyond the binary thinking that often limits our perception of happiness.
The fourth principle is to live in the present moment. Happiness is not found in the past or the future. It is found in the here and now. Tantra encourages us to be fully present with our experiences, to savor each moment without attachment to outcomes. By living in the present, we can experience life more deeply and find joy in the simple, everyday moments. The present moment is where bliss resides, and it is accessible to us at all times if we choose to be present.
The fifth principle is to cultivate self-awareness. Self-awareness is key to understanding our true nature and connecting with our inner bliss. Tantra teaches us to observe our thoughts, emotions, and actions without judgment. By developing self-awareness, we can identify and release the patterns and conditioning that keep us from experiencing Ananda. Self-awareness allows us to make conscious choices that align with our authentic selves and support our journey towards bliss.
The sixth principle is to practice non-attachment. Non-attachment means letting go of our clinging to outcomes, desires, and expectations. It doesn’t mean we stop caring or striving; it means we approach life with an open heart and a willingness to accept whatever comes our way. By practicing non-attachment, we can experience a greater sense of freedom and inner peace. We can enjoy the journey of life without being overly attached to specific results or outcomes.
The seventh principle is to embrace the process. Happiness is not a destination but a journey. Tantra teaches us to embrace the process of growth and transformation. It’s not about reaching a final state of happiness but about finding joy in the journey itself. By embracing the process, we can appreciate the ups and downs of life and find meaning in every experience. The journey becomes a source of joy and fulfillment, rather than a means to an end.
The eighth principle is to connect with others. Connection and community are essential for experiencing bliss. Tantra emphasizes the importance of relationships and the support we receive from others. By connecting with others on a deep, authentic level, we can experience a sense of belonging and shared joy. Relationships can be a source of inspiration and support on our journey towards Ananda.
The ninth principle is to honor your body. Our bodies are the vessels through which we experience life. Tantra teaches us to honor and care for our bodies as sacred instruments of our experience. By nurturing our bodies through healthy practices, self-care, and respect, we can enhance our ability to experience bliss and connect with our true selves.
The tenth principle is to cultivate gratitude. Gratitude shifts our focus from what we lack to what we have. It helps us appreciate the richness of our lives and find joy in the present moment. Tantra encourages us to cultivate a practice of gratitude, to recognize and celebrate the blessings in our lives. Gratitude opens our hearts and allows us to experience a deeper sense of Ananda.
By integrating these principles into our lives, we can begin to shift our perspective on happiness and explore the deeper dimensions of bliss. The search for happiness may lead us to various places, but true Ananda is found within. It’s a journey of self-discovery, self-awareness, and embracing the richness of life. May you find your bliss and experience the true essence of happiness.
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I would love to hear from you. Please let me know what you think of this episode and if any of these principles resonate with you. Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences with me. Thank you for joining me on this journey of exploration and self-discovery.
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