Let’s Talk Pleasure: A Tantra Perspective
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We are living in times where seeking pleasure is not complicated. It’s at your fingertips. Wherever you look, you will be able to feed that impulsive pleasure. Chandresh believes this will become an even greater addiction in the coming times than it is now. The good news is, in tantra traditions, there are solutions, methods, and tested and proven systems to control and manage the pleasure. In this episode, Chandresh shares his system that he has used with students that works beautifully well. We invite the listeners to listen to this episode with an open mind, and apply the system, and if the system works for you, please let us know on social media. This episode is all about transcending your impulsiveness and cultivating your awareness.
Episode Transcript
Let's talk pleasure. How do you define it? What's your relationship with it? Is your pleasure all about sexual urges, or is it food? Is it dating constantly, jumping into one relationship to another? Is it through constant traveling? How does pleasure show up for you?
Pleasure is, of course, beautiful and necessary. But like most things in life, when we don't handle these things with awareness, they become an entrusting monster. They start to dictate our mood, they start to call the shots. Tantra says, "Indulge in your pleasure with awareness." And yoga says, "Suppress your pleasure with awareness."
In this episode, we are going to explore the signs of pleasure through tantra and we'll learn how to use it, how to handle it so that it fulfills us spiritually, emotionally, and in every other possible way. I am Chandresh Bhardwaj, and this is Leela Gurukul.
Namaste, everyone. I hope you're feeling safe, relaxed, happy, wherever you are. This episode is all about pleasure. Before I dive deeper into pleasure, a quick note of thank you for joining The Goddess Rising Meditation Challenge. I don't remember talking about it on podcast. It all happened in the last few weeks.
We shared it on Instagram. Many of you joined. Many of you experienced a shift and these kind of experiences fulfill my heart because I don't do these kind of online challenges for you guys. And I think I should, because I could feel the difference that it made.
The next one in the list will be an ebook, a free ebook based on the divine feminine principles in tantra. How do you access it? Make sure you go to LeelaGurukul.com. You're signed up in the newsletter because that's one way to get it. The other way is make sure you're consistently staying in touch with the Leela Instagram or my Instagram because that's also where a lot of these updates are. But email sign up is always going to be the best and the safest bet.
And for a very short amount of time and after many, many years, I will be opening up a slot for you to work with me one on one. It's going to be deep, profound, spiritual work. I do not have the details ready yet for you guys, but just letting you know it's happening. It's coming.
For those who are interested, drop a message on my Instagram, or reach out to me through cbmeditates.com so that when it happens, you are first one to join and know. I'll be taking maximum of 7 to 10 students per year. I won't be able to take more than that. So if you're truly willing and interested, stay in touch, we'll get there.
And now let's come back to pleasure. Pleasure shows up in all forms. I want to specifically talk about a certain kind of pleasure, which basically shows up through either the sexual urge or through food or through other harmless looking things but then it becomes an addiction.
I was sort of motivated to talk about it because I consistently saw the need of this growing problem. I think in the COVID times, the dependency on the pleasure increased even more. I'm not sure about the woman community, but in circles in men community spaces, we talk a lot about NoFap, which means no masturbation, not indulging in any self pleasure.
And it has gained a lot of popularity, momentum. There is no true signs to back this, in the modern signs. But if you dig into ayurveda, tantra, yoga traditions, there are plenty of benefits about either not indulging in the self-pleasure or channeling your sexual energy consciously.
And for some reason, so much of this managing and controlling your sexual energy text is focused on men, that they should not be ejaculating impulsively, that they should have control over their masturbation habits. I haven't seen so much context about this in the spiritual scriptures or the spiritual text or spiritual talks.
So I wanted to take this opportunity to talk about handling of the pleasure for all genders, for men and women, for anyone who's honestly finding it important to work with this matter. First thing to understand here is why do we even need to talk about it? Many of you may feel, is it wrong to indulge in pleasure? Is it wrong to masturbate? Is it wrong to indulge in sex whenever I want to?
In life, at least that's how I see it, things are not just black and white. There are shades, colors, layers in between. And when it comes to topics of pleasure, I feel a balance, a consciousness, an awareness is important, especially for those who are interested in living life beyond the usual sense of waking up, sleeping, dreaming, going to work, indulging in sex, indulging in food and repeating the same thing.
For some people, this pattern works out okay. More power to you if that's who you are. But if you are playing this episode and if you have been part of the Leela Gurukul, maybe that pattern isn't working out too well for you. And that's why you are interested in changing. So I'm speaking to those of you.
Why the pattern of sleeping, dreaming, waking up, indulging in all the pleasures doesn't work out too well? Because it doesn't tap into your potential. It does not tap into what you can be. The blooming doesn't happen if you constantly keep doing what you've always done.
I'm going to bring in tantra perspective here. Tantra says, "Indulge, indulge with awareness. Experience life in the most deepest way so that you can finally liberate yourself from that chain of repeating habits." If you are still clinging to those habits or experiences, then you're not transcending them. Then it's again, just a habit.
And if you actually notice so much of what we do is a habit. Even creating content, creating podcast videos, they all become habits too. Lately, I actually enjoyed not creating my Instagram content on a consistent basis. I enjoyed the inconsistency because I felt it was becoming an entrusting habit to create content based on whatever day was of the week and not becoming a slave of that pattern. It felt liberating.
And if you have noticed, even with the podcast, I have changed the pattern of it, the release dates very often. The moment something starts to feel like a habit, I don't think then it's moving to a creative space any longer.
When you fall in love, there's no habit there. It's pure passion, intimacy, love, healing, vulnerability, so much is happening. The moment love becomes a well-defined relationship, it starts to look like a habit. The moment love moves into a marriage, then you have a very certain well-defined rule of habits to follow.
I'm not saying it's bad, just reminding you. It doesn't have to be a habit. And tantra says, "Pause before the most beautiful things in your life become a habit, because then it won't help you in that transcendence." Tantra will never tell you that you should stop masturbating. It will actually tell you, you should be doing it, indulging in it, but also work toward experiencing something higher, something better. And the day you experience it, then masturbation won't feel that necessary. It won't feel that important.
The goal of tantra is to help you understand the science of pleasure. Just like eating cake is a pleasure, it's not good for health. But sometimes we need to have a cake at 10:00 PM or 7:00 AM just to understand it wasn't needed. And many of you have been ignoring two very powerful symbols in tantra that many of you are aware of but you don't know the science behind it, the meaning behind it.
When you look at Goddess Kali or Shiva, they both are such powerful, fundamental elements of tantra. Tantra does not exist without Goddess Kali. Tantra does not exist without Shiva. But when you look up their pictures online, why do you think they are such strong, blue bodied?
Many people think Mahakali is black in the color, but she's blue. So is Shiva. Why do you think it's that way? That blue color symbolizes poison. It symbolizes the poison, the aggressive energy, the negativity, the darkness that Shiva and shakti, Goddess Kali has been taking from the humans and they turn into this blue body beings.
And yet after turning into blue body, their power, their strength remains the same. It does not affect them. There are many stories of Shiva and Mahakali, where they have indulged in a certain kind of heavy, poisonous experience. It has helped many others who could have died from it, but they emerged normal, even stronger at times.
The entire journey of Shiva and Goddess Kali is all about indulging in that poisonous experience and yet be so unaffected by it. The same thing could be said about Krishna. When you look up stories of Krishna, images of Krishna, you'll be seeing that he's indulging in sensual playful dance with a lot of women around him.
I believe there was an article in New York Times, many years ago. It could be in some other magazine. This is like maybe more than 10, 20 years old. The title was An Indian God Who's a Playboy, who's a spiritual Playboy. Something very related to this kind of headline. It of course, pissed off many people who worshiped Krishna in a very religious way.
But the point of that entire message is even Krishna could be seen indulged with so many women and yet there is no lust there. There is love, there's playfulness, there's purity, but there is no lust. That's tantra. Tantra says, "Indulge and yet not be eaten by the lust in it." It's not a complicated or some mystical spiritual experience to have. It starts with a commitment, starts with willingness to change.
I'm going to share certain simple steps. I hope you put these steps into practice. And once you start to do it, do let me know how that works out for you. Tag me in Instagram, send out DM on Instagram, reach out through email, whatever works for you. But I'm genuinely curious if you apply this, how would it work out?
I have applied these methods in my life with my students, with my clients. And I can tell you, something like this will help you transcend that dependence on impulsive pleasure. I think the most dominating of that is masturbation or indulging in sex, indulging in mindless sex, impulsive sex.
It could be with one person or multiple people or having with the same person, but thinking about multiple people. You know your jam, you know your story. My point here is to help you understand the methods, the tools that you can apply and go beyond it. When you go beyond it, you will experience a new pleasure, a new power. And I believe that power and pleasure is going to feel so beautiful, so independent, so divine that you won't need to depend on any other substance or any other forms of pleasure that deplete your energy or leave you exhausted, angry and unhappy.
So first step here is acceptance. I want you to accept whatever is your addiction. It could be dating, could be indulging in masturbation, could be anything at all. If you do not accept and keep justifying your actions, keep reading the text that justifies it, it's not going to work out. Acceptance is so important. When you accept, your body starts to feel relaxed because you're not building a fight anymore. You're not trying to convince yourself again and again.
Second step is know your loopholes. So when I work with people, especially those who are dealing with addiction, I remind them not to fall in that pattern, especially when you're hungry, lonely and tired. And I know our mind indulge in things when we're hungry, lonely and tired.
So when you're hungry, ask yourself, what am I really hungry for? It may not be what you're thinking. When you're lonely, you've got to figure out a way to find a connection with yourself or call someone, reach out to someone, go out for a walk. That's always best to get out of this chain of tiredness, loneliness, and hunger. And there could be some other loopholes that I'm not mentioning right now, but you got to meditate on this. What exactly is my loophole? When do I relapse? When do I indulge in it and not able to control it?
Once you start to know the loopholes, create a system, a system that you can rely on, a system that you can count on. One method that works really well is to document each time you relapse in your pleasure management. Let's say, it's masturbation. And each time you indulge in it, you feel I didn't need to indulge in it. I could have indulged once a week, maybe few times a month, but the way I'm repeatedly jumping into it, that doesn't work out well.
It could be eating. So each time you indulge in your impulsive pleasure, document it. Write it down on this date, this time, I indulged in it, and how are you feeling about it. Write about it next day how are you feeling. And when you feel calm and clear, write down your honest take on it, that I could have handled it differently. Next time I could do it differently. This is my solution when it shows up next time and I will not indulge in it for at least until this date.
It's fine if you break this deal. It's not going to end the world. It's not going to be anything crazy. We are humans. We are allowed to break the promises we keep to ourselves sometimes. So have some compassion for yourself. We are learning a new way of showing up, and it's okay if it's taking time.
So next time you relapse, go back to the document, write down again. How are you feeling? How could you have handled it next time? When are you going to indulge in it? And then again, write the solution in one line, keeping it simple, that next time I'm feeling the urge, this is what I'm going to do.
And my request to you is next time you feel the urge, follow that. So for example, to one of my students, I suggested her whenever she feels that sexual urge or the urge to indulge in a substance or reaching out to someone who's toxic, have a system. And the system we created was whatever time of the day or night it is, indulge in writing, playing music. Maybe go for a walk if it's not too late.
Maybe indulge in gardening. And she had the plants in the room. So if it's 2:00 AM in the night, that's there. So you have to have some weird, entrusting, a bunch of systems to rely on. They do not have to have too much of logic, honestly. Like at 2:00 AM, I'm asking you to water the plants. It doesn't make sense.
But trust me, the moment you do it, something will break in that chain, in that pattern because the mind does not know what else to do. So whenever you feel that urge, that loneliness, that boredom, you can't sleep, you simply repeat what you've always repeated. But if you have another bunch of outlets there, you are changing the wiring. You're changing the system. And documenting your journey with your impulsive pleasure is actually a great way to not fall into that pattern.
Fourth step is knowing your why. Why are you doing it? You should not be doing this because I'm telling you. You should not be doing it because it feels like a good idea. You should have a much deeper reason. Your reasons are your reasons. I don't want to define the reasons for you, but think in terms of where you wish to be. How does it feel when you are in control of your energy? How confident, clear, calm you feel when you are in control of that energy?
I can tell you, your vibe attracts your tribe. So when you're not indulging in any impulsive pleasures, your attraction, your glow, your light, it starts to change. People will be attracted to you and they won't even know why. That's the power of retaining that prana. Prana is the life energy and all the ancient Eastern text have mentioned it again and again, whenever you indulge in any impulsive pleasure, you release the prana. And when we are able to cultivate and nurture the prana within us, that's a different level of growth. Your confidence, your third eye energy, your creativity, they all start to shift.
So please know your why. It could be something as simple as waking up early in the morning. If you have a strong routine or reason to wake up early in the morning, you don't even need alarm because your system just knows. There's enough fire in you to wake up. If you're running a business, starting a new business, starting a new job, if your why is clear, you will grow in that job. Having your why in every aspect of life is game changer.
Next step, if it's always self-pleasure you indulge in, wait to indulge in sacred intimacy with a real human. You know what happens sometimes? Your sexual energy is all building up within, and the moment you indulge in self-pleasure, you release it all. And if you're doing it once in a while, that's fine. But if you're releasing it constantly and effortlessly, easily, the mind knows that I don't even need to attract a real human for this person because it looks like they got the system figured out. It looks like they don't need anybody else.
And what happens? The relationship dynamic, the energy, the fire that you experience with other humans, it kind of loses its texture. It loses that spark. So every time you feel the need to indulge in that impulsive pleasure, slow down, relax, and maybe remind yourself, I'd rather indulge in a sacred intimacy with a real human than just randomly indulging in this quick release, because that's not going to help.
And I'm not saying you should never indulge in self-pleasure, I'm just reminding you of different ways of channeling your energy. Because when you do indulge in sacred intimacy with a real human, that's going to be very powerful, very different. And I'm using the word sacred intimacy. I'm not using the word sex, not using the word pleasure. I'm using the word sacred intimacy. That's a different play and it will flow in the most organic beautiful way.
Next element is to build a relationship with yourself. How is your self-love language? What is it? Have you ever defined it? You've got to have a reverence for yourself. You've got to have a space of love, trust, growth, ambition with yourself. If there's no relationship with yourself, then everything I'm telling you is just irrelevant.
How do you build that relationship with yourself? By respecting your needs, by understanding how can I love and respect my existence. It can be done through many ways. Food, exercise, indulging with the right people, not wasting time, not indulging in gossip. Basically anything that exhausts you, drains you is not helping your relationship with yourself. And anything that's empowering you, healing you, bringing your joy is helping in that relationship with yourself.
And finally, last but not the least, is meditation. All these points I'm sharing with you will multiply in their power if you meditate consistently. Consistent meditation could be for 5 minutes, 10 minutes and beyond, but it's consistent.
Our prana, our life energy spread out everywhere. While you're listening to me, you could be thinking of 10 other things. While you're eating, you're watching something, indulging in something else. But meditation brings that scattered energy into one place. It brings that fictional narrative of the mind to a complete pause.
So suddenly, you experience a certain calmness, clarity and courage to indulge with awareness. If you're not meditating, it is going to be very difficult to have any control or management in these impulsive pleasures. But with meditation, the dynamic changes.
And if you have a partner, I would recommend you sit down and meditate with your partner. And it doesn't even have to be a romantic partner. If you have a best friend, someone you really connect with, someone who understands your why, even there's no uncomfortable or awkward energy with, you both can meditate together and invite in realizations lessons.
One disclaimer I'll give you, when you start to work with your pleasure, there are phases and moments when the pleasure multiplies. It may erupt. And you might think, am I doing something wrong? I was thinking to fix it. And suddenly, I think I've multiplied it. It multiplies because what you have been thinking about indulging pleasure was actually suppressing the pleasure.
So when we have been unconsciously suppressing, it will explode at one point, especially when you start to work on it. So human mind has been doing a great job in unconsciously suppressing a lot of stuff in your life. That's why we want to shake the energy. Accept that this is what's going on, I want to take control of it so that you're not suppressing it anymore.
Suppression is not the solution. Awareness is the solution. So if for a short period of time, your anger, your sexual energy, the eating habits, they go through a bit of uneasy change, it's okay. It's fine. Stay calm with it. Have some compassion for yourself, but stick to the system that I have shared with you. And then you'll notice within one week, you'll be back into a very different way of living and loving life.
I hope this makes sense. If this episode resonates with you, do share it with your friends, family who may take some help from it, tag me, tag CB Meditates, and Leela Gurukul on Instagram. And of course, write a review for Leela Gurukul Podcast on Apple iTunes, because that's the only way we get to see how much this podcast is making a difference in your life.
Be well, stay safe, and I'll connect to you in the next episode.
Useful Links
Find Your Source of Happiness - 21 Day Challenge
Private Guidance Program with Chandresh
