Sexual Healing: Exploring Intimacy Through Tantra
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This episode explores the tantric ways of deepening intimacy and cultivating sexual healing with oneself and your partner. On a deeper level, this episode answers the following questions from one of our listeners:
“Two specific questions I’m particularly interested in - does Tantra have a guideline upon how frequent or infrequent sexual activity should be? I know it varies, but I guess is there a benchmark for healthy vs unhealthy? Or does Tantra align with Ayurveda which refers to the seasons and the Doshas to help guide a healthy level of sexual activity?
Secondly, you spoke in one of your podcasts about how in Tantra, sexual activity should be done with an element of detachment… would you mind briefly explaining this point to me?”
Goddess Rising Program: https://www.leelagurukul.com/goddess-rising
Episode Transcript
Chandresh Bhardwaj: Breathe in, breathe out. Relax the body. For a moment, connect to your heart center. This episode requires us to be in a space of receptivity, safety, openness, curiosity.
The entire idea of this episode showed up through one of you. I won't name the person. I like to keep the names private, unless and until they are okay, or they have shared for their name to be publicly announced.
But one of the seekers, she sent me this question. And that felt essential and urgent to talk about in this episode. I'm going to read the question, and then we'll go into the depth of it.
"Hi Chandresh. I have been really enjoying your podcast and the website resources, and learning so much more about tantra and what it actually means on a deeper level. I live in Australia, and I'm currently studying Ayurveda. But I had not really gone deeper into the world of tantra. Like most other westerners, I thought it was all about sex, which I was still interested in, and started peeling back the layers. Only to discover, It is about so much more. I am beginning to understand more about how we can harness our sexual energy in beautiful and creative ways. But also, still curious about how we can also wholesomely embrace tantra in the bedroom as well."
"I know tantra is not all about sex, but sex still has its place. Your podcasts that I've found on sex so far focused more on how tantra is misused and abused in the sexual sphere. Would you consider doing one episode on how tantra can be properly honored in sexual connections and activities? Two specific questions I'm interested in. Does tantra have a guideline upon how frequent or infrequent sexual activity should be? I know it varies, but I guess, is there a benchmark for healthy versus unhealthy? Or does tantra align with Ayurveda, which refers to the seasons and the doshas to help guide healthy level of sexual activity?"
"Secondly, you spoke in one of your podcasts about how in tantra, sexual activity should be done with an element of detachment. This confused me somewhat, as I think I perceived tantra in sexuality being more about fully embracing the experience and deep connection. But yet, connection and detachment seem to be in conflict as concepts. I know you must get a million questions from people all over the world. But if you do have the time, would you mind briefly explaining this point to me? Thank you for the work you're doing. It's changing lives."
I'm so grateful, so touched to read the kind words. And it also reaffirms my faith that you, the readers, the listeners, the audience, the tribe. You are the real teacher. You are the fuel that changes the game. In not just the tantra work, but in every field.
I'm excited to go into this episode. And I ask you to be relaxed, receptive, curious, and open to what unfolds in this conversation. I am Chandresh Bhardwaj, and this is Leela Gurukul.
Namaste everyone. I hope you're feeling easy, relaxed, grounded, wherever you are. Before we get into today's episode, two exciting announcements. First one, and for the first time, I'm doing a free masterclass on tantra. The title is Tantra and the Sacred Feminine. In this free masterclass, I'm going to be diving into the divine feminine elements, and how you can blend them with your practical day-to-day life.
This will be a live workshop, live masterclass. Which means you and I can exchange questions, practical, accessible tips, any doubts, curiosities, questions you may have about traditional tantra and the sacred feminine. This is the masterclass you need to attend.
A few questions that I will be diving into in this masterclass. Of course, what really is tantra? The difference between traditional tantra versus tantra sex. What are the key essential elements of the divine feminine that you can practically tap into? How to make the divine feminine a gentle, easygoing part of day-to-day life? How can you access the benefits of tantra without putting hours of meditation into it every day?
This workshop will give you an access, a guideline into the Goddess Rising space. Into the space where you can start to not just cultivate your tantra practice, but grow it as well. It's a great one for those who are curious about tantra, who are curious about goddesses.
And the second announcement. The Goddess Rising Program enrollments are currently open. This is going to be a small group, and we will have 10 weeks of in-depth discussions. There are pre-recorded talks, guided meditations. Where we will dive into the playfulness, courage, and the freedom that unfolds in the sacred feminine space.
This program is by far my most ambitious, vulnerable, in-depth program on the tantra teachings. I won't go too deep into it, because there is a full episode recorded on this podcast itself, explaining the depth of the program. Also, when you go to the link in the show notes, you'll read a lot of text that describes what this program is all about.
And to make the program affordable, accessible, we do have payment plans. Those who are still wondering whether to invest the money or not, one transparent note here is the program always changes after its first launch. The first launch is always the most raw and the most unfiltered version. Once we launch the first cohort, we study the feedback, we exchange lots of notes with students. And we don't know what happens in the second cohort. Maybe it will expand. Maybe it will shrink. Maybe it won't be a live program anymore. Maybe it'll become a self-based program. Nobody knows.
So in case you are still holding yourself back, still thinking, drop a DM to me on my Instagram page @cbmeditates, or to Margot at the Leela Gurukul page, or just write to us info@leelagurukul.com. Let's talk. Let's discuss what's holding you back. And may the Goddess Rising show up for everyone who's listening right now, irrespective of what choices or decisions you make with the program. And now let's begin this powerful, interesting, fascinating topic.
I have become a believer that when a certain topic shows up, it's not random. It's not showing up for the heck of it. Because each time a student sends me a question, it becomes the season of that topic, because every day in my client calls, group seminars, the DMs, emails. Everywhere that topic shows up so organically.
And it's been happening for years. It still fascinates me, surprises me. Because one students send this question from Australia, and then I get seven other questions similar or somewhat so direct related to this topic. I guess it only means the collective consciousness is curious about this. You are curious about it.
And I'll do my best to cover all the questions sent by this wonderful student, but also some other similar questions that are around it. I don't know how long this episode will become. But fingers crossed, it'll be within the ability and potential for me to record and your ability to listen to my voice for so long.
Now first, aspect here to understand. What do we mean by tantra and the sexual healing? Because without it, we can't go further. Tantra is a science that conducts spiritual experiments. We conduct those experiments with what we have. In tantra, we do not go outside of ourselves, but we go deeper within. So for me, the experience will be unique to me. And for you, the experience will be unique to you. You become your temple. You become your own tantra lab in a way.
If you are someone who has too much of sexual energy, lot of anger, greed, desire or maybe lack of ambition, lack of sexual energy. Tantra will say, "Come as you are." Whatever element you have in whatever quantity you have, that's enough for us to experiment. As long as you're breathing, you're curious, you have the physical ability to go deeper into sadhana, that's all it takes. And the sexual healing in tantra is not about becoming the king or the queen of sex. But it's really about becoming innocent, raw, organic, natural with your sexual energy.
Tantra is the most organic way to higher consciousness. It's an effortless bridge to what we call the awakening. Whatever objects, humans, elements, tools are involved in it, they ultimately dissolve and disappear. And become a door, become a gateway for the awakening.
The sexual healing in tantra happens in a way that eventually, the man or the woman you are with, they disappear, they dissolve. And eventually, you also dissolve. And what remains, it's just an energy exchange. You are no more trying to do it. But you have become so much available to it, that it's happening at its own pace. And you are simply a drop in the ocean.
This is the sexual healing in tantra. A return to absolute rawness. A return to being conscious. Being aware of your awareness. Being aware of the dance, the play, the ecstasy that arises out of it.
And when you dive deeper into this major self-acceptance of who you are sexually, you won't find the need to go through the act of sex repeatedly, randomly, blindly, impulsively. Simply because it changes you as a person. It changes your appetite. And you realize each time I was having sex, or having the urge for it, or aroused by it, I didn't need sex. I actually needed something else. And sex became my only outlet, because that's the only outlet I knew. That's the only outlet I understood. Keeping this in mind, we'll go into the specific questions asked in this podcast.
Now, the first question asked was how to properly honor sexual connections and activities in tantra. We'll go through layer by layer, to better understand the practicality of this element.
One thing you have to be aware of until this point of all our adult grown up life, we understood sexual energy in a certain way. Whenever we felt the urge, we reacted to it. Maybe you are a teenager, or in your twenties, thirties, forties and so on.
We are a product of habit. And sexuality, sexual release became a habit as well. Instead of understanding it, channeling it, we started reacting to it. So it doesn't matter whether you needed sex or not. But when you feel lonely, hungry, tired, bored, when you feel the need to be validated emotionally, or when you just felt the need to be with someone, sexual release became an outlet. We live in times where having a sexual experience is way more accessible and easier than finding a deeper connection. Finding a raw, real, safe connection.
Now, when you are a product of habit, you don't know what's happening within. Because it's brainless after a certain point. This is why many athletes, trainers, teachers, life coaches. They recommend building a certain kind of habit, a certain kind of routine. And I recommend that to a certain extent for certain things. Because once the routine is built, it becomes no-brainer for you to show up for that.
I have tried hard in my life, really hard to build habit of certain things. Be it meditation, daily walks, writing. Because I realized if I do not make it a routine, it won't happen. It plays with your mind, because mind is neutral. The moment it understands this is a routine it needs to stick to, it will do its best to keep showing up for it. And when it doesn't show up for it, you feel anxiety, you feel the restlessness. It works great when you have to build something material, something that benefits you. Be it financial growth, mental growth, emotional, spiritual growth. But it becomes terrible when that habit has to do with intimacy, because then it's reduced to just a habit.
And keep in mind there is no such thing as sexual energy in our body. What we have is simply energy. You can call it prana, which means life force. You can call it energy. You can call it conscious force. You have the freedom to label it as you want.
And second thing to understand is sex is not a lower expression of who you are. And sadhana or meditation is not the highest expression of who you are. They both are expressions of energy.
When we start to think of sex as the lower and meditation as the higher, we judge. We put them into different boxes. And one of the worst thing that has happened with sexual energy is the judgment toward it. Religion has judged it. Society has judged it. When a man indulges in it, he's looked upon in a certain way. When a woman indulges in it, she's looked upon in a different way. But everyone is judged. Everyone gets a certain label. And tantra says, "Sex is sex. It is what it is. It's the movement of energy."
And what happens as a chain of habit, that the moment this energy falls downward, it wants a biological release. And that could be intercourse, self-pleasure, any outlet.
For most people, for most of the population, this is the only experience or understanding of sex they know. So the energy keeps falling downward, and it keeps on finding that sneeze, that release. And within a few hours or days, it again builds up. And again, you release it. Younger people will have more frequent releases. And as you age, you have infrequent releases. Not because you don't want to, but the energy's not there. And this is something we'll get into in today's episode. You don't have to have that lack of energy as you're aging. It could be restored. It could absolutely become even more joyful.
Now, when majority of population is following this rule of gravitation with the sexual energy, tantra goes a bit opposite to it. Tantra says, "I'm not going to just let it fall downward. I'm going to raise it upward. I'm going to consciously raise it, move it to the higher centers, and see where it goes." And this is how tantra honors the sexual connections and activities.
One important thing to understand here is how you perceive the opposite sex, or the same sex, or whatever your interest and orientation is. Tantra does not encourage finding everyone as an object of your lust, because then you do not build that deeper sexual connection. Tantra says first come back to yourself. Understand your body as the sexual vehicle. And I think it's a good point to start.
The body remembers lot of things that our mind may not remember. Because ultimately, mind is a combination of identity, information, and memory. So yeah, I take my words back. Mind is remembering it right? So is the body. We may not remember the actual events, but that trauma is stored somewhere.
Even if it's not sexual trauma. Even if it's physical or emotional trauma. Or some fear, some doubt about your playfulness. The body will block it. The body will tighten it. And it would be so essential to relax the body, purify the body. Let go of everything that's tightening your body.
Now, this process would involve a bunch of physical, spiritual, psychological things. I'm going to say it as they're showing up in my mind. A bit of movement, stretching, exercise, being in nature. Practicing yoga, but practicing yoga with awareness. Practicing it in a way that it doesn't tighten you more, but it expands you more. Reminding yourself to relax. Reminding yourself to take it easy in your life. Let go of the force.
It's also important to feed your body the right food. Understand the different kind of foods you can feed to the body. If you have eaten let's say frozen food today, do not repeat that tomorrow. Indulge in something fresh tomorrow. If you have eaten something lighter for a day, you can indulge in something heavier next day. If heavier is what you have taken today, go for the lighter the next one. Play with your food options. Get to know your body. Get to know what food I eat which makes me feel more alive and active, and what kind of food makes me more lazy, sluggish?
Ayurveda is something that would be of immense help to you here. In Ayurveda, you can take different supplements that can enhance your energy levels, and they are harmless supplements. Ashwagandha is something I recommend to everyone. For woman, Shatavari is so, so powerful. Triphala is so powerful.
When you do a basic dosha quiz online, you'll start to see many supplements that will enhance your energy and help you. But my friend, your body is the main step here. Your body is the vehicle, the medium. That's going to change everything. If you have a pet, if you can watch birds, learn from them, how they relax, how they let go. How they're not stiffed about things.
And I always say the birds, the pets, they don't have a therapist. They don't have a tantra practice. They don't have a yoga practice. But look at them. How joyful, happy, blissful they are. And especially the birds or the pets who are not domesticated, who are just out in the wild. What a way to live, just being in the wild?
And of course, they pay the price for the freedom at times. And that's the price we avoid as a human. And we always seek safety and security. But understand the body, what it needs. The food, the emotions, the safety. And prioritize that.
I'm reminding you once again, you might feel you are horny or aroused in the body, but you're not. It's just that your body doesn't know anything else at this point. But when you start to understand the body, it's going to feel different. It's going to look different.
And one thing I would recommend you here. If you have a partner, it would be amazing if you both build a team, and start to work on this together. And even if your partner is not yet on the same page, at least make one commitment and promise to each other that you will not slip into intercourse all the time. In fact, sexual intercourse should be the last option. The first few options should be eye gazing, sitting across each other, meditating together, breathing together. Just letting each other's skin touch. Being in silence. Dropping the duality. Not judging the experience, not judging the body, not judging the emotions. We are so busy in doing it that we forget it doesn't want doing. It wants being. Drop the doing, and step into being.
You can even prepare one word questions for your partner. Questions that demand one word answer. "Who am I to you? What does intimacy mean to you? How do you want to be touched right now? What feels safe to you right now?" The first few sessions in your sexual experience should be only about breathing, relaxing. Not doing anything. But exploring each other. Breathing, smelling, touching, the entire essential experience. Use all the senses, all of them. And your body will learn, there are more options actually. "Why do I always indulge in a 10-minute quick release? Why do I always indulge in same thing again and again?" Now, this requires patience, time, energy, healing. But it's totally worth it.
Tantra in the bedroom feels like a playful temple. The colors, the candle, the fragrance, the music. Imagine you're entering into a sacred temple. Just the way you walk into it, you should feel playful, relaxed, easy. Choose the colors, the texture of bed sheets, the fragrance of incense, candle. Maybe keep fruit there. Make a playlist that can enhance the mood, the energy. And then start being playful. This is a play going on.
Imagine when you played as a child. You would just want to go out of the house, play with your friends. Did you always discuss, plan your play in details? I did not. And I'm so glad that didn't happen.
All of the friends, or cousins, or students I know when they played as a child, they just showed up in the playground. And when you look at how you know we played, it didn't make logical sense. Even now when I watch kids, thankfully some of the kids are still playing outside. And when you watch them, it's silly, it's goofy. And that's how a kid is supposed to be.
It's returning to your innocence. It's not trying to be macho, not trying to be a queen or a king. And you don't have to be a queen, muse, or a king. Let's just be humans. And now, when you are in the room, in that cozy, playful, sacred space, let go of any idea of sex you have on mind. Drop the thinking. Do not ask yourself, "When are we going to bed? What am I supposed to do next? How do I invite her? How do I invite him into bed?" No, let go of all of it.
Instead, meditate with your partner. Sing with your partner. Play with your partner. Dance with your partner. Write poetry, read poetry. And continue to do that. And as you consistently show up for it, delay the gratification. Which means if you feel the arousal, the urge to have sex 10 times, let go of it at least nine times. And when you indulge in it that 10th time, remind yourself it's safe to be possessed by a higher, playful, soulfully sexual power. Remind yourself there is something much more divine, intense, passionate than this body. And I'm becoming available to it. Remember, this is a meditation time still. You have to gently, mindfully let go of any technicality that's showing up. Any sense of identity that's showing up.
Destroy the sense of identity. It's fine to not remember anything in that moment. And it's fine to not be a hero, queen, king, goddess, anything at all in that moment. When you indulge in the actual sexual experience in the end, be possessed. Be fully in control of the divine. And remember in that moment, you are only the medium. Your body will vibrate, the tears may come, the joy may come, the orgasm may continue. Your body's not used to this. So the mind may interrupt. The mind may interfere. What will bring you back? Your breathing. What will bring you back? The remembrance of authenticity. Remembrance that I am letting go. I'm undoing all of my learning and conditioning about sex. I'm showing up as if I never showed up for sex. And I'm showing up as if this is the last evening, last rain, last sunset. Mind loves to plan for the future, but tantra says, "Let this be the only moment."
And my friend, next morning or evening, whenever you wake up from the experience, please for the sake of love and divinity, do not possess this experience. Because if you play your cards right, this experience is going to feel immensely beautiful, healing, divine. And then the mind will say, "This experience is so beautiful, something that I've never experienced. How do I make sure I repeat it again? I have the same experience again." And if that partner is not your legal partner, not your wife or husband. And if it's just someone you're getting to know, or someone you are still dating, or someone who might be official girlfriend/boyfriend. But the mind will say, "Now, let's try to possess this person. How do you make this person your person? How do you make this person only your property, your object?"
When this happens, the days of romance and ecstasy are ready to fade away. Because then our mind is going into layers of security, safety, repeating the process. And it's a matter of time that all of this becomes, again, a technical experience.
And if you are legally married to this wonderful human, it would be an amazing opportunity to release the conditioning. Dropping the relationship and relating to them as lovers, partners, teammates, companions.
Now, a bunch of fun things are going to happen if you practice this way. I'll recap it quickly. Releasing the heaviness from the body. Detoxifying the body. Making it lighter, playful. Consuming healthy stuff. Be it food, information, emotions, not hanging out with toxic energies, not hanging out around gossip and stuff, and making your body a safe place to play with, and not using someone to validate your body.
Secondly, making your bedroom a sacred playful temple. Choosing the right mood through the right bed sheet, outfits, music, incense, candle. And starting to be more playful. Starting to go beyond the intercourse. Starting to go beyond the learned ways of having sex.
And you realize as you meditate through sex, even while having the intercourse, breathe gently. The more control you have on the breathing, the better, deeper healing experience this sex will become. New doors, new gateways and outlets will start to open up. A lot of your suppression, a lot of your heaviness will start to fade away.
We are currently going through the renewal season in US. Not in US, but definitely in New York. The leaves are falling off the trees. The greenery is less. It's more brown trees, brown leaves. But in few months, again, the leaves are going to come back. Flowers are going to come back. Such a beautiful natural cycle of the nature.
And this is how it's going to happen with you, when you learn to connect meditation while having sex. Everything and anything that is no more needed will fade away. And as a result, you're going to feel more glow on the face, more curiosity, more playfulness. When your bedroom becomes a temple, sex will become a meditation, and the transcendence will start to happen.
That's where tantra takes you eventually. And eventually means at some point. It could be one year, five year, 20 years, 30 years. We don't know. Transcendence is the natural outcome, but transcendence only happens when you're fully indulged in the experience to begin with. I cannot transcend something that I have not dived into, because it'll haunt me. It'll always chase me and follow me. And this experience of indulgence make it happen with awareness. Otherwise, things are going to get out of control.
When you are younger, you can eat any food. It doesn't affect you. And same goes with love and romance. You could have multiple lovers as a young college person, or maybe in your twenties. It doesn't affect you.
But as you age, you realize you cannot handle so much of human energy. And your experiences of intimacy, romance, they're becoming limited and limited. But tantra gives you the unleashing gateway. And that can happen when you don't judge the experience. And if you are with multiple people, no one should be object of your lust. Each one of them should be a gateway of higher awareness, higher truth. Each one should be a gateway of deeper understanding about who you are as an intimate human. As a sensitive, soulful human.
Transcendence means you are growing up. The old toys are now meaningless, and the new toys are probably showing up. Or maybe you're not interested in the toys at all. The more you meditate, the more you become playful and meditative with your partners, the less lust will have an appeal on you. Because something much deeper is now starting to happen. Something much more delicious and tempting is starting to happen.
You'll notice as you're experiencing orgasm, be open and available to the cosmos. Do not control it. Let go of it fully. And you will become capable of receiving multiple orgasms. I don't want to say giving multiple orgasms, because that is a very, I think modern way of indulging in sex. Where you are so focused on the performance, that you want to make sure you appear as some sexual God.
But I'm talking about receiving the orgasm here, being in that orgasmic experience, where you are not controlling. But something unknown, something undescribable, undefinable is taking a possession of you. And it's happening. You are dying and being born at the same time.
When the bedroom becomes temple, you will notice you are seeing each other as godliness, as some divine being. But also, there will be moments when you may see each other as animal. Because if you have traveled to the ancient temples, besides the goddesses and the humans, the animals also love to hang out there. And we all hold and possess animal instinct in us when we are trying to appear sophisticated part of society, civilized. We butcher and suppress that wildness in us. But in moments of surrender, trust, safety, that animal in you would want to come out. It would be wild and untamed experience, and you have to honor that animal. You have to honor that energy.
Ultimately, all of this is going to transcend. But do not put a deadline or a template to this transcendence. Do not even think about a transcendence. But if you exactly follow what I've told you here, the animal will show up. It'll become ferocious, wild, untamed. And eventually, going to find its own outlet.
The animal will grow. The human in you will grow. The seeker in you will grow. But you have to release the conditioning, the learning. Everything that you had thought of or imagined about sex.
Now, the next question is how frequent or infrequent sexual activity should be. Why don't we delete the word sexual activity completely, and instead call it a playful activity? And a playful activity could be whenever you want to play.
See if by sexual activity, your only visual or perception, is of intercourse, or indulging in rubbing each other. Mutual masturbation is what I call. If that is the only experience or definition, then of course you would also want to know about this question, because you notice it's not taking me anywhere. I'm hungry. I release that urge. I'm hungry again. I'm going to release it again. Different partners, same partner. Ultimately, it becomes the same circus. What do I do? But when it's a playful activity, it could repeat, any time of the day. Any times of the week. But yeah, I know we live in capitalistic times. We have to work. You can't be indulging in playful activity all the time.
So keeping in mind the practicality of your life, right? If you have responsibilities, material stuff to handle, of course continue doing that. But there should not be any frequent or infrequent schedule about the playfulness of this. You will eventually find your schedule. You'll know when that happens for you guys.
I do want to point out the frequency of the sexual intercourse will be interesting here, because that is something I would ask you to delay, to not indulge in it right away. Only because that is the only way for the body. And when you start retraining, rewriting the law of intimacy for your body, this will be one of the tools to delay the intercourse, to not indulge in it right away. But that playfulness can happen anytime, anywhere. Because it is something beautiful, prayerful, sacred you are building.
You would notice even once a week fulfills you. Even once in 10 days will fulfill you. But I'll let it be your call. You play with it, you understand it. And please send me questions. Curiosities, questions with this episode. I'll be really interested in knowing how this entire teaching is showing up for you.
At the same time, knowing your dosha in Ayurveda will help. Knowing your food habits will help. Understanding your sleep patterns will help. And cut the porn completely from your life. Not even a minute of it.
Managing your masturbation. And by managing, ideally I would suggest no masturbation, no porn. Because the only outlet for you now will become with a partner. If you don't have a partner, of course, then there are plenty of self-pleasure activities you can indulge in. But if the partner is there and you do want to indulge with the partner, then cutting off the porn and masturbation is going to be game changer for you. And you would also notice one playful experience is going to fulfill you for a number of days. One intercourse might fulfill you for a number of weeks, because that experience goes so deep.
Ideally, tantra wants you to have your sexual experience as your sexual experience. Not comparison with someone else, not making it a mental activity. Not making it so quick and accessible that you satisfy yourself in 10 minutes, and it's done.
We rewire, rearrange the entire intimate channels through tantra. And everything I'm sharing with you in this episode is all about reimagining and rebirthing something very powerful in you.
Next question is, she mentions that I spoke in one of the episodes that sexual activity should be done with an element of detachment in tantra. And that sounds confusing. Connection and detachment. How is that possible?
Now, what I had mentioned in any episode or in a bunch of episodes. Tantra does not say indulge in sexual activity with element of detachment. But it teaches you, empowers you, encourages you to understand your attachments through sex, in the sexual activity.
I would recommend here knowing your attachment style. It's easy. Perhaps may not be super easy for everyone. But fairly easy to understand what is your attachment style. When you look up online, you'll come across plenty of blogs or videos that do talk about some specific attachment styles. And that will help you to actually understand why you get attracted toward a certain kind of partner again and again.
What used to happen in the ancient times when tantra became so unapologetic about sexual healing? It didn't go well with society's sophisticated civilized system. And of course, they wanted to change it, control it. Because a lot of abuse was happening, and it still happens.
To control the sexual abuse that started happening in the tantra communities, the teachers, the mystics came up with this idea. Of course, they wanted to test sexual energy as a way of rising in consciousness. But when they would bring two humans together, and if those humans are attached or lustfully attracted to each other, the experiment wasn't happening because the emotions were taking over. The lust was taking over. And they were not able to meditatively slip into the experience as one would hope or expect.
And of course, it takes time. As you would also know when you start to indulge in this, it doesn't happen in one day or one week. But it eventually slowly, organically builds up to breathe while indulging in the play, to not always go into the sexual intercourse. It's a completely new way of deepening your intimacy.
So when mystics, the tantric teachers witnessed, it's not happening the way we were hoping. And the times were different. Nowadays, we have a lot of privacy, a lot of ways of having privacy. This is hundreds or thousands of years ago I'm talking. Things were different. Privacy wasn't probably the most accessible feature in those times.
So teachers came up with this idea. "How about bringing two humans together who are not attracted to each other? And when they have sex, how does a sexual energy shows up? Is it easy to go beyond, to transcend the sex when you are with someone that you are not emotionally entangled with?"
And in those days, the caste system was very strong. Which basically means people will marry with the same caste and religion. There would be upper caste, lower caste, middle caste. The lower caste person will never romantically indulge with the higher. The higher will never date someone in the lower realm. So that whole mess was happening. So tantra started bringing people together from different castes, different belief systems. Even different body type or physical type. We all have a certain physical type or body type that we feel more attracted to. So the teachers started recommending that, "You should be playful with someone that you are ideally not attracted to. And let's see how that plays out."
And it was an experiment, because it still happens in the so-called tantra parties, that people will go there with the label of healing. But what really happens there is just mindless, emotionless, lustful, impulsive, random sexual experiences. That's all. It leaves people more scared, more traumatic, more traumatized, and more confused about what really is tantra sex.
So tantra said, "Let's work with the attachment. Let's try to connect to people who are not attached yet, and see how their experience happens." Because they were really treating it like a science lab, like a tantra lab. Where you remain unattached to the sex, neutral to it. And becoming an observer, a witness. Which is the goal also, to becoming an observer, a witness of what is happening. And by being a witness, slowly things start to change. So that was the attachment and tantric sex that I mentioned.
For this episode, I won't recommend finding people who may not be into you, and you are inviting them to practice a tantra form of sex. But what I would recommend you is as you are diving into the experience, learn to witness. Witness the breathing, witness the eyes of your partner. Witness how it's all moving. I know have not mentioned much about it. But if you are solo, just you in your own zone, and there's no other human, that's okay. There will be plenty of playful, sensual activities you can indulge in. Because ultimately, that's what tantra recommends, right? That you are not chasing it outside of you, but you are meeting the Shiva and Shakti within you. You are meeting it all within you.
How would that happen? Everything that I've mentioned to you, all of that you can practice on your own. The meditation, making the bedroom a temple, understanding the body, not indulging in porn, masturbation, and raising the energy.
And finally, the last thought of this episode is giving new creative outlets. Because when you start to practice what I'm telling you, your energy will build up. Your prana will build up. Everything will become much more vital, stronger, tangible. And you would feel the intensity and passion even more.
But my friend, please have bunch of creative outlets. The kind of outlets that gives you opportunity to be creative, to create something for fun. If there are no outlets, then you will relapse. Then you will go back to the old ways.
All right. So it's been 55 minutes of me talking nonstop. I hope this episode was helpful, relevant, essential to your sexual healing and growth. I would love if you could share follow-up questions, any curiosities that may show up after this episode. And remember to sign up for the free masterclass happening on Friday, 22nd of February at 2:22 PM Eastern Time. And of course, those who feel willing and ready to deepen your tantra path, I'm looking forward to see you in Goddess Rising. Be safe and be well.
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