Take Up Space
In this personal narrative episode, I remind you to take up space no matter the circumstances. I discuss some significant shifts happening within the individual and collective consciousness. If you feel confused, exhausted, and uninspired by your creative and spiritual space, this episode is for you. Enjoy it, and let me know what you think!
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Let's begin this with a story. Story of a young child, a preschooler, showing up on his first day at kindergarten. As he steps into the class, the teacher says, "Sit with other students," but there is no bench or a chair in the class. Everyone is sitting on the floor.
Now, that preschooler kid looks at everyone and he's like, "Where is the bench? Where is the chair?" Teacher says, "There is no chair. Everyone is sitting on the floor, and just sit with anyone."
And the child says, "No, I won't sit on the floor." Now, teacher obviously doesn't like it, but good for him. He wasn't alone that day. He was with his grandmother.
He looks at his grandmother and grandmother says, "If he wants a chair, can you arrange a chair?" And the teacher said, "No, we can't. Everybody's sitting on the floor, and he got to sit on the floor." Now, young child, again, looks back at the grandmother and says, "I don't want to sit on the floor. I want my chair." And the teacher gets a bit angry.
Now, teacher is a little pissed off, and she says, "If you want a chair, bring your own chair. I won't give you one." And the child is like, "Sure, I'll do that. Where do I sit today, though, because I won't be sitting on the floor."
Teacher gets even more angry, and she says, "Sit on my table, if you really want to sit today." And, of course, that young child jumps onto her chair, then crawls to her table, and he sits on that table throughout the day. No points for guessing, who was the child? I was that child. You're listening to him right now. Every day after that, I would carry a small chair with me.
On one shoulder, I would have my school bag, and on the other shoulder, I would have my baby chair. I would carry both of them to the school every single day. Thankfully, the school wasn't far, just a few minutes of walking distance. I have this hilarious memory, not hilarious at that point, but one day, I really wanted to go to toilet and I couldn't walk fully. So, I also had cold. I was sneezing, so I was managing my pants, my nose, my chair, and my bag. I wouldn't let go of the chair. God knows what was happening in my life, but that whole experience now, when I look back, the message from my nanny, from my grandmother, was so clear. She said, "If you want a chair, you get it. If they don't give it to you, you take that as your opportunity to get your chair, take up space where you have to." Just because everybody is sitting on the floor, that doesn't mean you will also be sitting on the floor.
And, as you can imagine, this didn't go well with, of course, not the teacher, but many other relatives in my family, too. My grandmother would often hear from others, "You are spoiling Chandresh. You are letting him to be too rebellious, too expressive." And, God bless her, because she remained the only person in my life who gave me the kind of empowerment, rebelliousness that I really craved as a child. It made me rebellious, empowered, and somehow gave me this belief that I can always take up space, no matter what. And I wish that Disney story continued the way it did in that preschool days. It didn't go that way. Lots of things happened. As you grew up, life happens. I also went through my own share of ups and downs in life, just like everyone, and I forgot to take up space.
Long story short, of course, I went to Wall Street. Of course, I wrote a book, and not trying to demean or understate the whole journey from Wall Street to spirituality, but something happened during those years. I was always proud of leaving the Wall Street, joining this mission of teaching tantra, showing up for spirituality, teaching about the Eastern traditions. But somewhere, it became about survival, also. It became about fitting in, fitting in the chaotic modern space of spirituality. I cannot tell you how many times I was told, "Let go of tantra, let go of Goddess Kali. Do not mention them. Do not talk about them, because Goddess Kali is known as this demonic goddess. Tantra is known as this either dark energy or the acrobatic sexuality. And, as a young human in my twenties, I had this part young blood in me. I wanted to continue speaking about tantra, wanted to continue to run my show. It was hard, complicated. My confidence would diffuse so many times, but it would always regain the next morning, sometimes even the next minute.
However, while going through that process, writing my book, leading retreats, teaching at drug rehabs, I found my comfort space, and it started to feel familiar. It started to feel comfortable. It started to feel as if I'm also sitting with everyone on the floor, not a bad feeling. It's comfortable, familiar. Now, you know the routine, what's going to happen. But that's not the kind of guy I am. I'm not the kind of person who will be happy with everyone sitting the way we are asked to sit, the way we are asked to perform. I'm the kind of guy who has always made his living by empowering others to unleash their muse because that's how I empowered myself. And nowhere in my journey has there been a gap between my path and the path of my students.
So, if I'm working hard to break my norms, that's the kind of students I've always attracted, who are willing to break their norms. If I'm on a journey to open my third eye, within a few days, I start to meet people who hire me to open their third eye. That's always been the case, and when I'm not seeing that dynamic, I know something is off. Maybe I'm not living my truth. Maybe I'm getting tired, depleted, maybe I'm feeling uninspired, and that's a moment to change up things.
And I love when that happens because it's uncomfortable, and that's where the growth can happen. So, I'm speaking to every single one of you who has been feeling depleted, fatigued, uninspired, dull, exhausted, confused, and complex in this whole journey of capitalism versus your self-expression, capitalism versus your art, capitalism versus your inner muse. If this is you, please listen to the next few minutes, because something very powerful is happening. Something big is happening in the collective, and when something revolutionary happens in the collective, it's also happening on an individual level of consciousness.
As I record this, my flight is tomorrow morning to India. I didn't want to leave without sharing this message with you all. So, listen up, what's happening within our collective and individual consciousness. I'm talking from the perspective of tantra, astrology, psychology. I'm speaking from the perspective of many students and people I continue to speak. We are entering into a space of what I call the era of your authentic self-expression. This is the era where your brand, your energy, your success will happen through your shadows. Once you start to sit with your shadows, with compassion, with trust, with love, some magic is going to happen. Some of you may have never met your shadows. Some of you may be working with shadows through a therapist. Some of you may be working through it in the space of tantra, but I'm inviting you to reimagine your relationship with your shadows.
Do not judge them. Do not run away from them. Instead, be with them in all compassion, in all clarity. I've always received this feedback about dropping the word tantra or Goddess Kali because it alienates people. I'm aware of it. I'm aware of people who have told me, "We wanted to work with you. We wanted to get you this big opportunity in media. However, we didn't want step in because of tantra, because nobody will invest in tantra." And when these moments happened in my twenties, I would feel confused. I would feel disappointed. That, "What should I do? What's the solution?" I never got the solution. The solution was given to me, to drop the word tantra or Goddess Kali.
And, here's the thing, it took me many years to unapologetically embrace this vulnerable part of my journey because there has never been a memory in my life where tantra and the goddesses were missing. I'm fully aware Goddess Kali is seen through lens of religion, seen through this demonic dark energy as well. Tantra is seen as this dark sex space. I'm aware of that. But I'm also aware teachers like Joe Dispenza, J. Krishnamurti, Deepak Chopra, Osho, and many other teachers have relied upon tantra to share their message with the world. They haven't used the word tantra, except Osho, and that's fine. That's their journey. That's their brand, their mission. I want to continue speaking about tantra, normalize tantra, so that it becomes for you, for me, for everyone on the street, because Tantra was never for just one sect of people. It was for everyone. It is still for everyone.
So, if you enjoy Joe Dispenza, if you have enjoyed the books like Secret, the books of Deepak Chopra, Osho, J. Krishnamurti, Ram Das, you've already liked tantra, my friend, but now we have to step deeper into the space of tantra so that we heal the shadows, we heal the wounded artist within, and bring it out in a way that it not only changes you, but the world around you, as well. Because we are back into the space where we are in a classroom where all the students are again sitting on the floor, and you are told to sit with them. And you can sit there. It's going to be comfortable, familiar, no one will question you. But how about going back to the home, grabbing your chair, and telling the teacher, telling the authority, "I bring my own chair. I'll take up space, and I'm here to stay, and I'll do it my way." That is the message of this new era of your authentic self-expression.
Take up space, my friend. Begin from where you are. Social media creates this battle of comparison and calculation, and before you could begin from where you are, you want to jump ahead. You want to do 10 other things and then go back into doing from where you think you should start. But that's not how the art will be created. And, when I say art, it could be anything. It could be filing taxes, it could be gardening, singing, writing, music, poetry, whatever brings you aliveness, playfulness. That is your art. So, don't overthink. Start creating, start doing, start showing up for it every day, and do not hesitate to try something different. In fact, your authentic self-expression will unleash when you actually show up to do something different, something that's hidden in you. Remember, we spoke about shadows. Shadows are the ideas sitting in your basement. Shadow is the lonely, scared child sitting in your basement. Bring it out. Do not hesitate to do something different.
I don't believe in giving you the spiritual preaching until I have tried it, because that's the way spirituality got to be led. Spirituality is practicality. I have already done three major things, and that's why I wanted to record this before I leave for India tomorrow.
Number one, Tantra Mastermind. That's the weekly group coaching with writers, creatives, and seekers. I never did anything like this, but I had to step up and create a space where, on a weekly basis, I get to work with creative artists like you, and there are people from all over. Different backgrounds, different ethnicities, different cultural, professional settings. I love showing up for it. I love showing up for myself, and this particular space of Mastermind has already empowered me to begin my second book after such a long gap. I didn't even thought of writing the book for the last five, seven years after Break The Norms was written. I thought that was it. I tried to write, the book didn't happen, and I kind of accepted that maybe, it doesn't need to happen now. Within four weeks of showing up in Tantra Mastermind, I have spoken to my editor, and we are working on the second book. But that happened because I was willing to do something different with my work. Mastermind was a result of that.
Second thing that I showed up differently was the Tantra Tribe, the community membership space where writers, artists, creative seekers gather every month. And I never, ever thought I would create something like a tribe, a membership space. I always thought it was overwhelming, too much to manage, but guess what? It didn't feel like managing or too much. I actually look forward to see them. I look forward to speak to every tribe member. At the moment, it's only $27 a month in case you are interested or willing to join one. My point is, when you start to show up for the inner artist, the magic happens. Doing things differently is how an artist create their own canvas.
And the third thing that I did differently was changing the name of this podcast. I remember, in the last episode, I casually mentioned that I may change the name of podcast. Believe it or not, I didn't have any name in my mind. And then, the Leila show happened. So this is not Break The Norms podcast anymore. This is not Leela Gurukul Podcast anymore. This is the Leela Show, and don't get attached to it, because, knowing myself, I'm willing to change it as many times as I change and evolve on this journey. Leela is a reminder, this is all play. Stop taking it so seriously. This is all a play. Do not take things too hard. Enjoy, have fun. Play the roles. Don't get stuck in the roles. Don't get identified by the roles because that will limit you.
And the conclusion point here is, stick to what works. Enjoy it. Once things start to make you feel creative, alive, or raw, playful, repeat it. Go deeper into it. Explore the layers and the depths of it until you feel, "Okay, this is it. I have reached a peak. I've reached a certain destination. Now, I want to explore more. Now I want to navigate more."
And tomorrow, as I leave for India, a few things will happen. I'm going to be in Jaipur Literature Festival where writers, authors, speakers from all over the world gather to talk about culture, literature, feminine energy, Hinduism, tantra, yoga, Eastern traditions, and so much more. I'll soak in their energy to help the writer in me find more courage, and I'll make sure to channel that energy to you in my best capability. And then, I'll be in various tantra temples in silence, in meditation. I'm pushing myself, unleashing myself to step into a space where I want you to be, taking up space, showing up for yourself, and getting that wounded artist out of the basement, getting that wounded artist out in the playful field where it can dance, sing, write, create, and do whatever the heck it wants to do.
Your homework, for next few weeks, in case my podcast doesn't show up for another two, three weeks or so, write down these questions. Meditate on them, write about them. Write honestly, brutally, unapologetically. Number one, write about what's happening within you. Number two, what's happening around you and how it's impacting your heart, how it's impacting your vulnerability. Number three, what does your inner muse have to say to you? What does your inner muse is trying to convey to you? Is it a poetry, a story, a book, a script, a musical canvas? What is it? Do not project your idea of success or failure on the muse, but for a moment, listen, receive, and trust her. Trust her to guide you. Final point, are you willing to write what hurts you? Are you willing to write what heals you?
I'll leave you with this thought. I hope this episode brings you joy, empowerment, courage, and clarity. I hope some of you join the Mastermind or the Tantra Tribe, where we are going to create a lot of magic this year. Tribe is available to join once a month, and Mastermind will continue its sessions in the March of 2024. DM me on Instagram or email me info@leelagurukul.com to be part of Mastermind. The prices will change from March onward.
Be safe, be well. Please listen to the interviews. I'm Chandresh Bhardwaj, and this is the Leela Show.
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Visit cbmeditates.com to send your questions and learn more about Chandresh's work.
